fredericks: (Damn that hurt!)
I'm slowly recouping from a week of little sleep. One big group project was due this week and a project for Relationship Centered Comm. had to be handed in Thursday. Oh, the lack of preparation! Got an 80 in an exam I really needed to get at least an 86 on to have a chance at an A- for the class. So now I'm in a situation where I have to get 100 in order to get a 3.25 in the class for the school year. I'm entirely too tired to be upset over the huge pit I've managed to sink myself into.

Last day of OB was Friday, and that turned out to be a double shift because JCAHO is coming to investigate the hospital next week. I was in Neonatal/Postnatal for the entire 10 hours this week, but it was pretty interesting. Cute babies (I got to see a boy? with ambiguous genital organs ...poor kid), new moms all anxious, very intriguing. I don't think I want to work in OB, but it's such a great place to hang out. The instructor? Somewhat not fun. I'm going to try my darndest NOT to have her for my rotation next semester.

Finished Deathgate. Alfred love, oh yes, tons of it. Aww. I was going to go on about what I dislike about it but I'll refrain from spoilage. Into the Labyrinth is definitely my favorite book of the series, though. I should probably pick up Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell before the library starts charging me for it...but I have this stack of books that I've wanted to get through. Not to mention the new George R.R. Martin that came out last week.

I got eight hours of sleep last night but I still feel exhausted. Tired. Deep down in the soul region, even. Sweet Lawd, I cannot wait until December 24th.
fredericks: (Oh Snap!!)
Because I would go to Zanzibar to pick up take-out if she asked me to...

Tagged by [livejournal.com profile] lostmiseashellz
List six songs you are digging:
(1)Another Day - Rent Original B'way Soundtrack
(2)I'll Cover You - Rent Original B'way Soundtrack
(3)Gone - Kanye West
(4)One Night in Bangkok (Remix) - Vinylshakerz
(5)The Ghost of You - My Chemical Romance
(6)One Song Glory - Rent Original B'way Soundtrack

I honestly am not that fond of Rent. I caught it a while back and remember, on the whole, feeling underwhelmed. I was sitting in the audience and all the while the South Park parody of it was running through my head: "We all have AIDS! We all have AIDS!" Then again, I'm not a play person - I'm a music person. I was okay when they were singing. And, dammit, some of the songs are catchy. The stir being caused in my circles by the release of the movie moved me to borrow the soundtrack from the library. I'm pretty sure that at one point today I repeated "Another Day" four or five times. My excuse is that I'm sleep deprived as a mofo. If I was lucid I probably would have made it up to seven or eight. I heart Adam Pascal for some unknown reason; he's not really my stereotypical type. I think it might be the voice (a touch raspy although nowhere near Bryan Adams territory, it takes a little getting used to) and the smile (dazzling, totally lights up his face). I want to see the movie to take in the Pascal on the big screen but I'm not going to bother to pay for a ticket. If I can't get into a screening I will wait for video, unless someone wants to pay my way *ahem*.

But, oh yes, the beginning of Tune Up #2 when Roger and Marc get a call for Benny re: rent (because, hello, title!) - completely hilarious to me. That too I've listened to an inordinate number of times. The way they emphasize the profanity...I'm a simple simple woman.

So there's another exam looming come the afternoon. This one too I'm going into not too concerned. I wonder if I'll get burnt. Eh. This stuff is a little more straightforward, what with all the cranial nerves, ROM, and examination stuff. It's times like these that I'm glad A&P was such a rigorous class.

Got a grand total of 45 minutes of sleep yesterday because I was working on a project for the clinical class. It was a group project, but I decided I wanted to be the one to put our information together. I honestly had no idea it would take me the entire night. Time seemed to be zipping by, *just* like it seems to be doing now. Frak. Something is wrong with either my time perception or my movement, because things ain't right. So, right; project. Worked on it from when I got home (6PM) until 5AM, slept until around 6AM, worked on it until 6:30, took the train to school to meet a partner for 8AM, worked on it until 9:30AM. It's not quality work at all (IMO), but that's not entirely my fault. One of my partners has serious time issues (not her fault) and the other...okay, this woman went to Columbia. She mentions this indignantly when she claims that the teachers that ask us to make our papers conform to APA style "don't know what they talk about". Yes, it's weird to do a book report in APA style but there's a method behind the madness - it's an easy way to get students comfortable with the style. Anyway, she claims to have gone to Columbia and her writing? Pretty bad. I mean, Jesus. I wanted to comb through what she'd written for her part of the project but my own procrastination limited my time available. And she was a Psych major, so I *know* she had to write a number of papers.

Enough bitching from me about that whole debacle, though. It's done, nothing I can do about it now.

I'm going to see if I can start writing again, if only to have something else to list on my resume. It's ridiculously ridiculous how few accolades I have to my name. It'd be endlessly amusing (in a shawesome way, of course) if I graduated in 10 months while the nursing shortage was still on and was unable to land a job.

Shawesome = "shittily awesome" - when something is so bad it takes on epic proportions and your first response is to stand back in amazement and watch it happen. Yes, I know "shittily" is not a word. Give me a break already. And start saying shawesome whenever you can.

I, [livejournal.com profile] fredericks,do so solemnly swear to get some sleep and make a coherent entry. One of these days.
fredericks: (Ted Laid Out (if you know the artist ple)
It's a lucky thing I decided to talk to my classmate before getting down to business because I found out the exam I thought was on Thursday is actually tomorrow (surprise!) I'm sort of cramming, but at this point I have the utmost confidence in myself.

I needs to be eating those words. I got straight up Oz'd by my exam. We took it on PCs and got our unweighed scores when we completed the questions. 68. Sixty-fraking-eight. I knew I was doing shitty while taking the exam but generally when I think I'm flunking I can at least pull out a B. Nope. A number of other people did much worse than they're used to on this test (class average was 75, at least 8 points below the usual) so I'm hoping we get some points added or the entire test thrown out *fingers crossed*.

I felt so damn tired after all was said and done. Words can't describe, really. I actually resorted to telling a classmate about the scholarship Pace gave me in order to get gather some shred of entitlement (you know, make 'em feel guilty/jealous and then feel better about yourself for a nanosecond). I felt even shittier after sharing that tidbit, though. I just wanted to punch something, take out some frustration on something. Instead I went to the library and picked up the first four books in The Deathgate Cycle to re-read and forget about my troubles for a little while (oh Haplo! oh Alfred! how I've missed you two).

The bestest thing for my mood, though? I SAW MEOW MIX AGAIN! Hee! I was heading over to my neighbor's to interview her (another damn project; don't ask) and I saw this cat walking towards our garage. I suspected it was my Meow so I called out "Hey, Meow Mix" and she trotted right over! Absolua-freakin-dorable. I started petting her and she was doing the rub thing on my legs and being ten kinds of cute. I opened the house door and called out to my mom to show her Meow (Meow tried to run inside, heh) and mom was less than thrilled. I was all "Hey! This is Meow Mix!" and mom was all "Oh, that's nice" ::slowly starts closing door::. Mom told me to take Meow Mix away from the door so I walked down the steps and said "Here, Meow Mix" and Meow Mix ran right over to me. I mean, hells, Krishna wasn't that obedient and I fed her regularly. If Meow keeps being sweet on me I'm going to have to find a way to sneak her into the house, I swear by all I hold holy.

In closing - If you're the praying type, please pray for my sanity. I really do feel it slipping with all this damned work I have to do.
fredericks: (Vivi)
Another scorcher round these parts today. I ended up attempting to fall asleep around 4 AM last night (it being an impromptu movie night for us we watched Constantine and then I did my usual dicking around on the PC for no reason) and got woken at 8AM by a call from my dad.

Me: ::doing a reasonable job of sounding awake and non-patricidal:: Hello father.
Dad: [Wiana], can you do me a favor and check to see if I took the - uhm - hot water bottle off the fire?
Me: ::eyebrow raised:: Hot water bottle?
Dad: The hot water bottle.
Me: ::slowly:: The hot...water...bottle?
Dad: ::sound of teeth being sucked:: Hot water bottle. You know what I mean.
Me: The kettle. You mean the kettle, right?
Dad: Yeah, the kettle.
Me: *sigh* Bye, dad.

He's a little brain damaged (aneurysm twenty years back) but the ass thing is that he'd never admit he's impaired, to the point where he's yelled at us when we don't understand what he means (usually when it comes to naming objects or things, although it's come to light recently that he undergoes conversational lapses, which explains a hell of a lot). I'd be more understanding if he wasn't such a raving jerk on the occasion. I love the dude, but he's NOT the easiest man to live with [insert the "omgwtfkgjh I have to get out of this house" bit].

So right. Get up out of bed and it's just...yesh! Sweat was running down my body, my clothes were sticking to me, my face felt like the Exxon Valdez spilled all over it during the night...not pleasant at all. No, father didn't leave the "hot water bottle" on the stove. Trudged downstairs, all icky, came back up, all icky. Attempted to go back to sleep. Of course, my alarm went off fifteen minutes later.
*

There's this huge expectation riding on me that I'll be something or someone "big and important". I'm feeling it more and more lately, particularly since I'm barely working and I've been scrambling in order to find some way to pay my exorbitant nursing school fees. I paid all that money for my education when I didn't need to. I'm saddled with all this debt and I'm only 25. I think it'd be okay if I had some life to speak of and a definite idea of what I'm going to do, but - drawing a blank. No blinkin' clue. I'm just fumbling from one thing to the next, trying to make sure I keep above water and don't screw my family over too much. Sometimes I'm bitter. I wish someone had pointed out what I was doing was idiotic and forced me to go to another school, or take time off after my first year to figure out where I was heading, but my folks didn't know any better. Really. My mother talks and talks about how I've messed up, but she had not a damn thing of importance to say when I needed her to say "what the FUCK do you think you're doing?" I mean, for my family I guess I'm not doing too badly: my mother had two kids and less than a year of college under her belt when she was my age. My sister has roughly the same, although she does have a swell state job under her belt. I'm just really confused and I keep worrying that I'm digging my hole deeper and deeper. And the only time you truly figure out how deep the hole is happens to be waaaaaaay after the fact.

That rambling piece of tripe came out because today I went for a pre-screener at the local Starbucks and signed for an additional school loan. The pre-screener happened in the Main Street Starbucks. I love Main Street: when I walked into Starbucks the first three people I saw were two Buddhist monks and an Army man in full fatigues standing next to one another. It struck me as funny. It still strikes me as funny, actually. The pre-screener was ridiculous, even for a pre-screener. They asked me the usual "what experience do you have?" and "why do you want to work for Starbucks?" (answers: "I have a Bachelors of Science in Psych and am grossly overqualified, seeing as I worked in the food service industry for five years, but hire me anyway because I so fucking need the money" and "I NEED MONEY, asswipe!" respectively ... in my head) and then "what do you like about coffee or tea?" So ridiculous. Like they give a crap what you say, they just want a malleable peon who can give the masses overpriced poison in a cup without fighting the establishment (I say as if I didn't JUST finish a tall sweetened ice coffee with cream). I gave them the answers I've been trained to give, and the guy wrote them down in handwriting that looked pretty damn illegible to me. He said if they liked what they saw they'd give me a call back whenever. I'm not holding my breath.

The loan - well, what can you say? A loan is a loan is a loan. My credit's not the best so I got slaughtered with the interest. I'm contemplating asking my dad to co-sign, but I'm hesitant because I don't want to involve any more family in my money problems. Eh. Hopefully I get a job as soon as I graduate making the 60G+ numbers I've been hearing RNs get in the city nowadays and I can pay whatever I owe back as quickly as possible.

Too many "if"s in my future for me. And, oh my God, am I SO tired of hearing the sanctimonious "nothing is certain" refrain and variations.
*

On a totally unrelated yet very cool note, on the Justice League thread I follow at Television Without Pity, one of the writers from JLU started visiting recently and posting stuff about the show. I got a silly thrill over him responding to a comment I'd made on the latest episode of the show. Television Without Pity - one of the best places to waste time on the web if you're into television shows.

Enough pimpage for one post.
fredericks: (Daria)
I got suckered into going to the mall yesterday. I hate going to malls with company. Too many traumatic and troubling memories of "shopping excursions" gone horribly awry. I completed the task I'd been assigned within ten minutes of our arrival. Of course, since I was with other females I got wrangled into walking up and down muzak-soundtracked halls, looking and items I didn't want and couldn't afford even if I needed them.

Granma, Auntie, and me (I?/me?who cares?). We were talking and walking in one of the stores, Granma and I, and she asked me about nursing school (earlier I had mentioned needing a stethoscope and uniform before classes started), specifically if I had enough money. After quickly running through all the ways I could briefly say "I have no idea where I'm getting the remaining $15G I need for class" that wouldn't lead to a long drawn out discussion in the Beachwear section, I said "Yes, oh yes, I have money". She looked at me sideways and said quietly "You know, you have a way of not telling the whole truth".

Ouch.

I like how she said that, though. Not "you have a way of lying", but "you have a way of not telling the whole truth". I suppose that's correct. I'm not sure that's something I want to work on, though. Often times people don't want to hear the truth. They want to hear *something*, but not all things. Or when you tell them the truth they ignore it for their own peace of mind.

Anyway.

I'm still on my Erasure fix. I'm going to have to burn this CD instead of borrowing it from the library over and over again.

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