fredericks (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fredericks) wrote2004-10-04 10:50 pm
fredericks) wrote2004-10-04 10:50 pm
Paranoid Android...?
Mom's been really nice to me lately. It has me concerned, and more than a little confused. We have a recent history of fallout. The woman is vicious in a way that only females can be: vindictive, spiteful, and with a knack for recalling missteps you may have taken years ago. It's the reason why I usually don't associate with those of my gender... but she's my mother, so I can't break away from her the way I'd dodge and weave others, mainly because I'm living under the same roof as her. She's greeting me with genuine enthusiasm, and she actually, like does little things for me and then mentions said things in a way that's kind. It's different than usual, and it's hard to explain why, so I'm not going to. Just take my word on it.
Like, for instance, today I came home to find two long-lost shirts on my bed. Apparently I'd left them in her closet Lord knows how many months/years ago, and she found them. Later on she asks me if I found the shirts (duh, they're dead in the middle of my bed) and goes on to say that blah blah, I found them and I don't know if you're still going to use them, is that okay? and I'm just dumbfounded by the near wheedling semi-saccharine tone she's taking with me. Usually she'd just snort and say "you saw your shirts, right?" and that'd be the end of that. And today she asked me if I had enough money(!) as if she was offering. Since I started working I never asked my folks for money, and they never asked me if I needed any. I'd get from them, yes, usually when I had to buy schoolbooks and at the beginning of school semesters, but they never ASKED.
A part of me is still convinced she's planning on having me knocked off for the insurance money, and this sudden niceness spurt isn't putting me at ease. I really do have to get out of this house. Between my pain-in-the-ass father and my waffling mother, all vestiges of my sanity will be gone within the year.
Which is a damned shame, because I have at least one and a half more years to go before I'm an RN. Oh well.
*
Speaking of which, I have it on good authority that I did horribly on my Anatomy Lab Practical today. And that authority would be my own damn self. No one can ever really resign themself to failure. There's always that little bit of hope that I'll work out in the end. I kept trying to get myself to stop studying and either move onto something else (like studying for tomorrow's Orgo test, or working on my Lit paper proposal...due also tomorrow). No dice. I'd find myself picking up my binder and looking through the terminology again. I told my mother all of that this morning (that she even listened to me without some sort of comment is another subtle sign that things are weird around here) and she told me I should learn how to cheat. What was that about parents teaching morals again? Heh. That was funny, nonetheless.
Eh, but that's what a week and change of hedging on hardcore studying got me - a craptacular grade. I'm guessing I got near a 60 or 70. I was all hyper when we got to the lab, because the exam itself was fun. There were 20-odd stations set up around the room, and there were two separate questions at each station. The room was divided up into blue and pink test-takers, alternating around the room (I was pink; I was highly miffed about that one). We had a minute and a half at each station to answer our relevant question, then we moved to our right, to the next station. Again, fun. It would have been a heap-load more fun if I knew more of those blasted cell slides, though. That killed me. Anyway, hopefully this will be my lowest lab practical score and it'll be dropped. I started studying for the next one from today (let's see how long that holds up).
*
My Lit teacher, in her feedback to my response papers and participation, said that my effort was good and she was "glad to have [me] in the class". Hmph. How perfunctory. If you're going to give such rote feedback I'd rather get nothing at all.
I'm finding it hard as all hell to find any sort of scholarly papers on homosexuality and modern popular comics. Honestly, is it the Queens Library system that sucks? or is this going to be an impossible topic. Very not encouraging. Must come up with something by 11:59 tomorrow night. Such fen-fen.
*
I seem to get off on stress and mental anguish. What other reason could there be behind me constantly subjecting myself to it day in and day out? This is what I like about school?
Eh. ::shrug::
Like, for instance, today I came home to find two long-lost shirts on my bed. Apparently I'd left them in her closet Lord knows how many months/years ago, and she found them. Later on she asks me if I found the shirts (duh, they're dead in the middle of my bed) and goes on to say that blah blah, I found them and I don't know if you're still going to use them, is that okay? and I'm just dumbfounded by the near wheedling semi-saccharine tone she's taking with me. Usually she'd just snort and say "you saw your shirts, right?" and that'd be the end of that. And today she asked me if I had enough money(!) as if she was offering. Since I started working I never asked my folks for money, and they never asked me if I needed any. I'd get from them, yes, usually when I had to buy schoolbooks and at the beginning of school semesters, but they never ASKED.
A part of me is still convinced she's planning on having me knocked off for the insurance money, and this sudden niceness spurt isn't putting me at ease. I really do have to get out of this house. Between my pain-in-the-ass father and my waffling mother, all vestiges of my sanity will be gone within the year.
Which is a damned shame, because I have at least one and a half more years to go before I'm an RN. Oh well.
*
Speaking of which, I have it on good authority that I did horribly on my Anatomy Lab Practical today. And that authority would be my own damn self. No one can ever really resign themself to failure. There's always that little bit of hope that I'll work out in the end. I kept trying to get myself to stop studying and either move onto something else (like studying for tomorrow's Orgo test, or working on my Lit paper proposal...due also tomorrow). No dice. I'd find myself picking up my binder and looking through the terminology again. I told my mother all of that this morning (that she even listened to me without some sort of comment is another subtle sign that things are weird around here) and she told me I should learn how to cheat. What was that about parents teaching morals again? Heh. That was funny, nonetheless.
Eh, but that's what a week and change of hedging on hardcore studying got me - a craptacular grade. I'm guessing I got near a 60 or 70. I was all hyper when we got to the lab, because the exam itself was fun. There were 20-odd stations set up around the room, and there were two separate questions at each station. The room was divided up into blue and pink test-takers, alternating around the room (I was pink; I was highly miffed about that one). We had a minute and a half at each station to answer our relevant question, then we moved to our right, to the next station. Again, fun. It would have been a heap-load more fun if I knew more of those blasted cell slides, though. That killed me. Anyway, hopefully this will be my lowest lab practical score and it'll be dropped. I started studying for the next one from today (let's see how long that holds up).
*
My Lit teacher, in her feedback to my response papers and participation, said that my effort was good and she was "glad to have [me] in the class". Hmph. How perfunctory. If you're going to give such rote feedback I'd rather get nothing at all.
I'm finding it hard as all hell to find any sort of scholarly papers on homosexuality and modern popular comics. Honestly, is it the Queens Library system that sucks? or is this going to be an impossible topic. Very not encouraging. Must come up with something by 11:59 tomorrow night. Such fen-fen.
*
I seem to get off on stress and mental anguish. What other reason could there be behind me constantly subjecting myself to it day in and day out? This is what I like about school?
Eh. ::shrug::
no subject
That scans. I don't know, but I think that the subject you picked is too new for there to be much out there on it. Your library may not be the best, or it could be wonderful, but with all of the conservative attitudes in academia, I'd be surprised if there's much of anything at all out there.
Holey shiite!
Actually, after sitting my ass down and searching for a bit, I found a number of web-based sources. Very little from academic journals, though, which might be good and bad. Good, in that I'll have more leeway to develop my opinion. BAD, in that I'll have very little to build on. But my teacher approved both my topic and seemed intrigued by the stuff I showed her (The Gay League website was one of the funner finds).
Hopefully, once I get my back into it I can narrow my subject down a bit and get on track. I'm thinking I might end up looking towards the "gay chic" mov't that started in the 90's, right around the time Marvel and DC started unveiling gay superheroes and secondary characters. But ::shrug::.
(http://www.gayleague.com)
Re: Holey shiite!
Marvel and DC introduced gay superheroes?? I never knew that...granted, I never read superhero comics myself, but I had a friend who was really big into them in the '90s, and I never heard about it. I guess I learn something new every day... Anyway, good luck with your search!