fredericks (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fredericks) wrote2005-04-05 12:15 am
fredericks) wrote2005-04-05 12:15 am
Another long day.
I got the dreaded thin envelope from SUNY Medical today. Guess that means I actually managed to get all my application stuff in to them on-time; I'd been unsure.
There are a number of emotions warring within me. The obvious one's disappointment. Another one's relief, although not because I didn't get accepted into the school (see first emotion). The waiting's over, at least for this one school. There's also a glimmer of...happiness? satisfaction? I mean, I actually applied to a school. A couple of schools. It was such a huge step for me, overcoming the dread and fear over being rejected, sucking it up and asking Wincze for his recommendations, filling out all the paperwork and calling all the required people; it took me two years to get to that point.
I was afraid that my grades from Brown would hamper me...and, it would seem, my fears weren't unfounded. The poor showing I put in at Brown during my first two years are being held against me. And I mean poor: I was on academic probation for the last semester of my sophomore and the first semester of my junior year. What saved me, ironically enough, was a medical leave that had nothing to do with my academics. The summer before I returned I took two summer courses and ace'd them, managing to get myself off of probation. My grades consisted of mostly A's and B's after that. I keep wondering if schools aren't going to look at that leave and think that it was sanctioned by Brown because of my grades. I should have written a letter explicitly addressing the leave and my grades during my first two years. Something else to add for the next bevy of applications.
But, as I was saying - who knows what Wincze's recommendation contains (or Camarasana's or the Liar's, for that matter)? Funny thing is, I actually have a copy of Wincze's letter in my incomplete and unmailed U. Chicago envelope. Call me a wuss, but I can't bring myself to break the seal and read it. My resume contains lots of very petty jobs...I mean, my gig at Radioshack was the first one listed! And I didn't put as much effort in on my essay as I should have, to be perfectly honest. I can remedy the last two things, somewhat. I'm looking for some additional hospital experience in the way of volunteer positions, and for my next round of applications I'm going to spend much more time researching each school and their acceptance pools so I can figure out how to write an eye-catching essay. But I can't do anything about my past. My grades from Hunter are pretty good (except for the B's in Anatomy, which don't bode very well for my nursing career, do they?), but they're only one year worth of buffer.
So...disappointment. And weariness. And twinges of dread returning. Pace is my last hope, and that was the one I was least sure about (my *reach*, if you will). If that falls through all I can do is lick my wounds, pray I find a job in time, work for a year, and apply to schools for next fall. 2006. Very far away.
I can't believe I'm almost 25, I'm still living with my folks, and I'm not making any sort of appreciable income (and forget about saving anything). I'm going to have to try for two year programs next year as well, because they might be less competitive. Meaning that, if I do get into something then I won't be out in the workplace until 2008. When I'll be 28. And it'll be conceivable that by that time the nursing marketplace will be oversaturated so I'll be screwed then too.
Maybe I should apply to Psych grad schools too. To hedge my bets. Because I don't fucking know anymore.
It's been a long day. I'm feeling particularly fat, stupid, and slow. Got 4 hours of sleep last night and have been walking around like a zombie. Interviewed for the ComHe internship and got it. There wasn't much competition; they're desperate to start with the field work. The bad news is because I can only work one day out of the week for them I'm only getting a $500 stipend. This is compounded by the fact that, because I'm not making the $1000 I was hoping for, I still have to work taking notes. Meaning that the day I work for them (Tuesday) I'll be out of the house from 6 in the morning (trekking to the Bronx) until 10:30 at night. I don't think I can handle an early wake-up and late return 3 days out of the week, so I'm going to try and see what I can do to get around it. But I need money and my schedule precludes me from most other P/T jobs being offered. Guess I'll see what happens.
Going along with the "I need money" thing, and as mentioned above, since it seems like I won't be attending school next year I need a job. I'm going to make it my business to attack local hospitals on Fridays (my one off day...*sigh*). There's also a CUNY job fair being held at Javitz this Thursday that I want to make my duty to attend. I'll have to spend more of my dwindling funds on a suit for the affair. I hope I'm not too late to register for it. I've been sleeping on the Career Services stuff recently.
*
More directly related to my current school - I have an Anatomy exam I'm really going to fail tomorrow. My stress coping mechanism is really grade destructive. I tried to study over the last week but I couldn't focus. The more nervous I became over the impending exam the less I could focus. So the exam's in roughly 16 hours and I know almost nothing. I've given it up for a loss and am going to spend the night studying for exams that I have a better chance of doing well on...like my Micro Practical and Quiz (Wednesday), Ethics exam (also Wednesday), and the dreaded Anatomy Practical (Thursday).
The bit of cheer I got today was in my Ethics class. We got our extra credit short essay assignments returned so that we could do our final revisions on them. Word from the professor was that the class as a whole did sloppy jobs, but he put the comment "Very nice work" (the "very" was the smile-inducer for me; when I feel like shit the little things help) on mine. I still got lots of red-pen marks on my second page, but I think revising it will be easy. Right before that the prof's groupie (the woman returned; boy is she persistent) turned and told me that I did a great job with my comments and involvement in the last class. I got praise in the one class I always feel stupid in, albeit from a stranger. It was something. A little pat on the back.
'Course after that I came home to the thin envelope.
There are a number of emotions warring within me. The obvious one's disappointment. Another one's relief, although not because I didn't get accepted into the school (see first emotion). The waiting's over, at least for this one school. There's also a glimmer of...happiness? satisfaction? I mean, I actually applied to a school. A couple of schools. It was such a huge step for me, overcoming the dread and fear over being rejected, sucking it up and asking Wincze for his recommendations, filling out all the paperwork and calling all the required people; it took me two years to get to that point.
I was afraid that my grades from Brown would hamper me...and, it would seem, my fears weren't unfounded. The poor showing I put in at Brown during my first two years are being held against me. And I mean poor: I was on academic probation for the last semester of my sophomore and the first semester of my junior year. What saved me, ironically enough, was a medical leave that had nothing to do with my academics. The summer before I returned I took two summer courses and ace'd them, managing to get myself off of probation. My grades consisted of mostly A's and B's after that. I keep wondering if schools aren't going to look at that leave and think that it was sanctioned by Brown because of my grades. I should have written a letter explicitly addressing the leave and my grades during my first two years. Something else to add for the next bevy of applications.
But, as I was saying - who knows what Wincze's recommendation contains (or Camarasana's or the Liar's, for that matter)? Funny thing is, I actually have a copy of Wincze's letter in my incomplete and unmailed U. Chicago envelope. Call me a wuss, but I can't bring myself to break the seal and read it. My resume contains lots of very petty jobs...I mean, my gig at Radioshack was the first one listed! And I didn't put as much effort in on my essay as I should have, to be perfectly honest. I can remedy the last two things, somewhat. I'm looking for some additional hospital experience in the way of volunteer positions, and for my next round of applications I'm going to spend much more time researching each school and their acceptance pools so I can figure out how to write an eye-catching essay. But I can't do anything about my past. My grades from Hunter are pretty good (except for the B's in Anatomy, which don't bode very well for my nursing career, do they?), but they're only one year worth of buffer.
So...disappointment. And weariness. And twinges of dread returning. Pace is my last hope, and that was the one I was least sure about (my *reach*, if you will). If that falls through all I can do is lick my wounds, pray I find a job in time, work for a year, and apply to schools for next fall. 2006. Very far away.
I can't believe I'm almost 25, I'm still living with my folks, and I'm not making any sort of appreciable income (and forget about saving anything). I'm going to have to try for two year programs next year as well, because they might be less competitive. Meaning that, if I do get into something then I won't be out in the workplace until 2008. When I'll be 28. And it'll be conceivable that by that time the nursing marketplace will be oversaturated so I'll be screwed then too.
Maybe I should apply to Psych grad schools too. To hedge my bets. Because I don't fucking know anymore.
It's been a long day. I'm feeling particularly fat, stupid, and slow. Got 4 hours of sleep last night and have been walking around like a zombie. Interviewed for the ComHe internship and got it. There wasn't much competition; they're desperate to start with the field work. The bad news is because I can only work one day out of the week for them I'm only getting a $500 stipend. This is compounded by the fact that, because I'm not making the $1000 I was hoping for, I still have to work taking notes. Meaning that the day I work for them (Tuesday) I'll be out of the house from 6 in the morning (trekking to the Bronx) until 10:30 at night. I don't think I can handle an early wake-up and late return 3 days out of the week, so I'm going to try and see what I can do to get around it. But I need money and my schedule precludes me from most other P/T jobs being offered. Guess I'll see what happens.
Going along with the "I need money" thing, and as mentioned above, since it seems like I won't be attending school next year I need a job. I'm going to make it my business to attack local hospitals on Fridays (my one off day...*sigh*). There's also a CUNY job fair being held at Javitz this Thursday that I want to make my duty to attend. I'll have to spend more of my dwindling funds on a suit for the affair. I hope I'm not too late to register for it. I've been sleeping on the Career Services stuff recently.
*
More directly related to my current school - I have an Anatomy exam I'm really going to fail tomorrow. My stress coping mechanism is really grade destructive. I tried to study over the last week but I couldn't focus. The more nervous I became over the impending exam the less I could focus. So the exam's in roughly 16 hours and I know almost nothing. I've given it up for a loss and am going to spend the night studying for exams that I have a better chance of doing well on...like my Micro Practical and Quiz (Wednesday), Ethics exam (also Wednesday), and the dreaded Anatomy Practical (Thursday).
The bit of cheer I got today was in my Ethics class. We got our extra credit short essay assignments returned so that we could do our final revisions on them. Word from the professor was that the class as a whole did sloppy jobs, but he put the comment "Very nice work" (the "very" was the smile-inducer for me; when I feel like shit the little things help) on mine. I still got lots of red-pen marks on my second page, but I think revising it will be easy. Right before that the prof's groupie (the woman returned; boy is she persistent) turned and told me that I did a great job with my comments and involvement in the last class. I got praise in the one class I always feel stupid in, albeit from a stranger. It was something. A little pat on the back.
'Course after that I came home to the thin envelope.
no subject
no subject
For now, the tiredness is catching up with me. Making it harder to keep it together. But WHOO-HOO! Spring Break(!!!) is almost here.