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Whiney McWhine Whine
Nov. 9th, 2004 05:26 pmI just completed my Anatomy Test. The only reason it wasn't painful was because I finally, after 18 years of education, have managed to achieve the perfect state of "I don't give a fuck ::shrug::" Zen. And it was so beyond me not caring anymore, to the point where, instead of frantically pouring through my notes right before the exam, I was reading the latest book I picked up from the library (Bastard out of Carolina, in case anyone reading actually, you know, gave a fuck). I didn't freak out over not knowing a few of the questions, but went with my first gut feeling. I didn't carefully re-read my answers like I usually do either, I just made sure I'd filled in all the questions and then left. Roughly thirty five minutes after the exam had started. Roughly 45 seconds per question.
I was commenting to my brother yesterday that I've never been this tired while in college. You'd think that at Brown, where I didn't have many friends or support, where I *really* had to work for all my cash, where I had to provide my own meals, where the classes were infinitely harder, I would have felt worse, but no. There's this fatigue that's building. I'm not sleeping properly, I feel like I'm constantly behind in my classes, and I've not yet been able to look beyond the upcoming week or so to make sure I am on top of my nursing school stuff. I'm thinking my living situation might have something to do with it. My dad is always home, and he can be trying. I can't just go out and, say, hit the movies or hang out in the coffee shop or what-have-you at any hour of night.
And I DON'T CARE. Not so much about myself or my situation, mind you. I mean, I know I'm falling behind and I try to keep pace. I just am finding it harder and harder to care for those on the periphery. I don't want to take notes; I find myself having a difficult time concealing my disdain for fellow students; I apply for jobs but don't put my best foot forward (limiting my callback chances). Saying I need a break, I've found, is besides the point. A break would accomplish nothing short of putting me MORE behind in what I have to do.
So...I'm sort of lost. And tired. I would say overwhelmed, but by what? One day at a time, I suppose.
*
Had one of those interesting dreams where I dreamt I was dreaming. Those are always good for a lark. After waking up from it and groggily trying to determine whether I was awake or sleeping, I decided to skip Italian. Even though I woke up with sufficient time to make it to class. I did the usual e-mail check, and showed dad how to search for stuff on the web (Lesson Number One: If a window pops up promising you something that looks good, *don't click on it!*). That was interesting. He keeps saying that he wants to learn how to use a computer, but he never gets up there and *uses* a computer. Simple, really. Especially since it seems like he's never going to return to work.
*
Tomorrow's an off day, since I finally told the Astronomy bitch that I'm not going to be taking notes for her on the one day I have no classes. I figure I might end up coming up here anyway to make up my damn Language hours, and then either head to the Midtown Library to pick up some books for my Eng paper, or re-watch "The Incredibles". Not sure yet. Might flip a coin.
I was commenting to my brother yesterday that I've never been this tired while in college. You'd think that at Brown, where I didn't have many friends or support, where I *really* had to work for all my cash, where I had to provide my own meals, where the classes were infinitely harder, I would have felt worse, but no. There's this fatigue that's building. I'm not sleeping properly, I feel like I'm constantly behind in my classes, and I've not yet been able to look beyond the upcoming week or so to make sure I am on top of my nursing school stuff. I'm thinking my living situation might have something to do with it. My dad is always home, and he can be trying. I can't just go out and, say, hit the movies or hang out in the coffee shop or what-have-you at any hour of night.
And I DON'T CARE. Not so much about myself or my situation, mind you. I mean, I know I'm falling behind and I try to keep pace. I just am finding it harder and harder to care for those on the periphery. I don't want to take notes; I find myself having a difficult time concealing my disdain for fellow students; I apply for jobs but don't put my best foot forward (limiting my callback chances). Saying I need a break, I've found, is besides the point. A break would accomplish nothing short of putting me MORE behind in what I have to do.
So...I'm sort of lost. And tired. I would say overwhelmed, but by what? One day at a time, I suppose.
*
Had one of those interesting dreams where I dreamt I was dreaming. Those are always good for a lark. After waking up from it and groggily trying to determine whether I was awake or sleeping, I decided to skip Italian. Even though I woke up with sufficient time to make it to class. I did the usual e-mail check, and showed dad how to search for stuff on the web (Lesson Number One: If a window pops up promising you something that looks good, *don't click on it!*). That was interesting. He keeps saying that he wants to learn how to use a computer, but he never gets up there and *uses* a computer. Simple, really. Especially since it seems like he's never going to return to work.
*
Tomorrow's an off day, since I finally told the Astronomy bitch that I'm not going to be taking notes for her on the one day I have no classes. I figure I might end up coming up here anyway to make up my damn Language hours, and then either head to the Midtown Library to pick up some books for my Eng paper, or re-watch "The Incredibles". Not sure yet. Might flip a coin.
