fredericks: (Sphinx)
No innuendo there at all, btw.

Right. So this was my brain this morning:
epogenrenalfunctionwhateffectdoeshyperkalemiahaveontheEKGagain?thesenewshoesarereallycomfyohnothepatientsbleedingoutshouldhehaltthehemodialysis?bloodbloodbloodwhew finecantbelieveIdidn'tknowthekidneysregulatedvitaminDactivation...

This was my brain on [ profile] living_kindness:


...what the hell?

Thanks for that, T.

I was off the floor again. I'm beginning to worry that my basic med-surg skills are going to be hideous. The instructor made one of my classmates upset and left another one in tears, small favors I guess.

I picked up my initial supply of isoniazid this evening. Nine months of this stuff. Nine months of no alcohol, no aged cheese, no Tylenol. One pill a day, thirty days in a month, 270 days roughly in nine months. I was really looking forward to writing the graduation speech while slightly tipsy on Sam Adams. When you go "TB...alcohol. TB or...alcohol" you can sort of see an upside but, dammit! Summer Ale!

Finished my assignment by going over to Jo's. I was looking for someone to continually check on me to make sure I was working but we spent time chatting and then she spent time chatting to me while I tried my darnest to type something up. I love her to bits but ohLordy. And she went to see Sweeney Todd without me! ::shakes fist at the heavens::

Home stretch. First final on Monday, then the paper due dates approach. I should prolly start working on them, I think.
fredericks: (Mikey)
The results are all fine and dandy (I've been partial to the Northwest since my visit to Seattle), but in my mind Portland is the stomping grounds of Dr. David and therefore polluted.

The State Meme )

Got my test results back and got a pretty okay score. I keep saying to myself "well, if that's what I can get without studying..." but I never actually get my ass up and study. Will be remedied. I also forgot about the damned online quiz I had for another class, and so now I'm scrambling in an attempt to catch up on those readings so I can finish the quiz before Sunday, the day I'm assuming it must be done by.
fredericks: (IRod - Starman! (by LJ User daniidebrabr)
My room used to be clean. A little over two weeks ago I shuffled and sorted through all the papers lying on the floor and cluttering my desk, tied the recyclables up in a neat little bundle and put the items with personal info in a pile to be shredded. While I was tidying up my brother poked his head in and asked how long I thought it'd last. He put money on one week, I said one day. I guess we both lost, although it's still pretty sad all around.

The mess means I'm not functioning at full capacity, as my personal space is a fairly good indicator of how well I'm dealing with stressors. That being said, I'm feeling okay, and "okay" doesn't mean "omigod I feel like crap, don't talk to me, emoemoemo"; it's a genuine "I'm doing satisfactorily" [and that's not even a word, is it?]. School, usually my main source of angst, is challenging but has yet to cross the line over to torture. The first clinical practical was pass/fail, and I passed that with little problem. The first exam is this Wednesday, and I'm a little more worried about it. So worried, in fact, that I haven't sat down to seriously study since the weekend started. That will be shortly remedied.

We're a small group so we all more or less know each other and get along. I might even have found a friend, along with the queue of acquaintances I always end up making (as I sing "Everyone knows my name, but nobody knows meeeeee/ emoemoemo"). It's odd, because I spent the first couple of days of classes attracted to her and didn't want to fall into the trap of looking like an idiot around her...hence I attempted to avoid her. That plan didn't seem to work out, and she won me over to the friend side when she said that "[I'm] always smiling at everyone", a revelation since I've always heard that I rarely smile and I look too severe. We spend time together doing friend-like stuff (I take her down to the Seaport, she tells me about Chinese culture and shows me various characters, we run up and down the halls of the school singing Queen's "Best Friend", things of that nature). I'm wondering how long this will last, as I'm a creature who needs space and my friend track record is spotty.

Anywhozit, I had no class on Friday since hospital clinicals start this week and my clinical is on Monday. Friday started out with a trip to the vet to get some more pain meds for Krishna. I was stuck going with mother, since my brother was a punk and didn't want to get up early in the morning (and this wasn't even early; we left the house around 10). The vet I dealt with when I got the diagnosis wasn't there so I had to go through some hassle to get the pills, with the techs speaking to the senior vet on duty. Once that guy found out Krishna had osteosarcoma he called me into the room to attempt to explain the diagnosis and blah blah blah it's bad. I told him I knew, and then he kept pressing the point about putting Krishna down when things get bad. I got pissed (internally; I still kept my manners) and felt like he was saying I was doing Krishna a disservice by having her alive even now, which...I mean, I don't think so. Maybe I got mad because I don't know if I'll be able to say "when", and have been consciously trying to avoid the fact that I'm going to have to bring my dog in so some people who don't know her from Fefe can send her to Doggie Heaven.

I got back to the car after all of this and was fine until I talked to my mom. My mother is a (occasionally) wonderful woman, would give her right arm and left tit for her kids, but has NO IDEA how to deal with people on an emotional level. When I told her the vet said I'd have to bring Krishna in when her quality of life degenerated, she chimed in "well, she hasn't been looking good for a while now" (not true, since we left Krishna running around the yard like a damn fool) and then, when I started crying she said "you can always get another dog" which...WRONG TO SAY and not true; my folks would never allow me to get another dog once Krishna passed, since I catch enough flack for her using the backyard as a latrine. She continued, going on about how dying is a way of life and I just wanted to remind her that she never feels that way when a person she knows has died. But, you know, tears and all. And I knew it was pointless trying to talk to her.

The rest of the day found me with a major headache and a haircut. The two are unrelated, except for the fact that no one in my family noticed or commented on either. I was slightly miffed, particularly about the haircut being ignored, but I guess I should have expected as much. It's nice to not have a weight of hair on the nape of my neck and yet still be able to throw it all in a ponytail when I feel too lazy to style it (which is basically every day).

Saturday I went to Project HAPPY and instantly wished I was home. They had more than enough help there and I felt a little out-of-place. I'm not getting paid so I technically don't have to go anymore, but, you know. I ended up staying only until 12:30 and calling it a day. First I said I wasn't going to go back at all. I was all resolute...until I ran into one of the kids I worked with last year. She'd arrived late and didn't get time in the bowling alley. She ended up going down there as I was heading up the stairs in the opposite direction, to leave. When I told her I was going she made this sad face only kids and pets can muster, and then asked if I was going to come back next week. Before I stopped myself I said "sure". Annoyed grunt. I also told the assisting director I'd be back, all the while NOT wanting to come back. I guess I'll decide how I feel on the matter come next Thursday.

On the way back from PH I finished Anansi Boys. Cute tale, and I got a kick out of all the West Indian references. I'm trying to push the book onto my mother, but my aunt expressed interest once she found out Anansi was in it ("I thought that was only a Trinidadian thing") and that there was WI stuff in it. I may find some Gaiman converts yet. What was with the lime joke? I kept feeling like I missed something. Oh well.

I should be sleeping, since I do have to wake up early for church. I keep meaning to write about it, but, you know - slippery mind and all.

Whee! One-hit wonderage!
fredericks: (Default)
Hands-down funniest moment of the day:

The lot of us are packed into one of Pace's sardine tin-like elevators. We hop on at the 1st floor and ride it down to C-level then up on the way to our respective stops. As we hit the 1st floor again on the way up I'm looking around and thinking that, for a bunch of strangers, we're sure getting to know each other's bodies intimately. I opt out of making a quip, not wanting to waste precious oxygen on something we're all clearly thinking. However, as we pass the 2nd floor some dude decides to go with the wisecrackery and says to a semi-comely lass scrunched up next to him, "You feel soft". Now I get what he's saying (or trying to say) and I want to laugh but, again, oxygen conservation is in the forefront of my mind. Said lass turns to look at him - well, she doesn't really *turn*; she can only manage to crane her neck a little - and the expression on her face is priceless, absolutely priceless, causing me to realize how borderline sleazy his joke comes across. She stammers out "uh, thank you" in a way that makes me want to bust my gut. We're passing the 3rd floor now and dude looks chagrined while lass looks weirded out. The little murmuring that existed prior to that moment dies off. Everyone's avoiding eye contact with everyone else. We hit the 4th floor. Dude asks lass where she's heading. Lass answers 514. Silence again. Elevator stops on 5, lass gets off, dude is still avoiding eye contact. I fight the urge to push him off the elevator and beseech him to formally court the lass; as I visualize that happening I again fight the urge to laugh. We all get off on the 6th floor, and resume normal breathing patterns.


I'm surrounded by papers from my classes. Half of my textbooks came today, weighing 40 lbs. Daunting? No, herculean, baby. It's Day Two, my brain is swimming, and we haven't even gone much farther than class overviews yet. I have three group projects this term. Thanks to Brown's lack of core reqs, I've never taken a class that required work with more than one other person. I hate having to rely on others to keep up their part of a bargain (that's quite psychologically telling, isn't it?). I briefly chatted with a classmate as we were leaving for the day. She shared that she was overwhelmed and then said "I don't know how [the one year students] do it" (she's in the slower paced two-year program). I reminded her that we haven't done ANYTHING yet since it was only the second day of classes. I also don't have the correct textbooks to do tomorrow's required readings. *sigh*

"Do it! Do it!", I know. But I'm not a happy camper right now.

Mom was awesomely amazing today. She stayed up ALL DAY waiting to sign for my books. I mean, if I knew UPS was going to wait until 5:30 to deliver the damn things I wouldn't have asked her to stay up in the first place but still. She looked like a raccoon when I came home. Me = guilt. When she does things like what she did today it kinda helps me forget the crappy/shifty stuff she pulls/pulled. I'm gonna get her flowers or something tomorrow. And maybe a nice salad to take to work tomorrow evening.
fredericks: (Ted Laid Out (if you know the artist ple)
Yesterday was normal, quiet, and more than a little boring. Last night was weird. Dad had another seizure in the middle of the night and mom sort of freaked out (understandable, I guess). It was only a matter of time in my mind, seeing he has refused to take his medication and continues smoking and drinking [my brother just came in and told me to "keep checking" on dad, who's lying down in his room...hmmm, okay]. That culminated in me being woken up by a frantic mom at 2:30, and then going with her to the hospital at 3:30 after the paramedics refused to let her ride with them. The oldest youngest brother, who looked sort of shell-shocked, asked me what would happen if my father died, meaning what would happen in a financial state, with us. My folks don't discuss money at all, so I figure they'll be royally screwed. I didn't bother to mention that to him; poor kid most likely wouldn't have been able to take it.

I stayed with mom in the hospital until around 7, lying down in the kid section with a TV that played The Disney Channel (too much That's So Raven in the early morning, programming people) and falling asleep on myself in uncomfortable positions. Dad was fine - he'd recovered from the seizure after a couple of minutes and was stuck in the ER waiting for the backlogged doctors to get around to him - so mom took pity on me and decided to take me back home. My mom is so very very awesome sometimes, freak outs and all. She dropped me off, grabbed some coffee, and then headed back. I tried to get some sleep but our house always seems to turn into the party line after 8:30; I'd start falling asleep, someone would call, and I'd have to run and answer it. Fun. Folks came back in around 3, after the docs gave dad a CAT scan (which was negative) and popped him a double dose of his meds. 11 hour wait for that. Oh yeah.


Some more news - the scholarship money FINALLY showed up on my Pace bill. Hopefully I'll get the extra in my hand soon so I can pay off Krishna's vet bills and get the rest of my supplies. The Hunter woman *claims* the fracking check is documented as being mailed on July 29th, and I smelled the BS through the handset. Why it's taken her so long to get back to me, after I've been writing her for at least the last month about this I don't fracking know. What I do know is that while I maintained decorum over the phone during the two times I spoke with her, when I hung up with her the first word out of my mouth was "bitch". Gah. HATE. She *says* if the check hasn't been cashed they can issue a "stop payment" and re-issue me a check. Watch she tells me the check's been cashed or she doesn't get back to me. Such a bitch.
fredericks: (Dr. Tam (by LJ User PersephoneFlame))
My Battlestar Galactica crack high continues. New mood theme!, made by the awesome [ profile] stoffel. Lord knows how long it took him/her to make it, but I know it damn well took me an hour and a half to upload all the pics and then stick them in the customized mood theme thingamajiggy. But it's well worth it. New episode tonight, which I'm psyched about. I wasn't too fond of "The Farm", so I'm hoping things take an up-turn since a two-parter's up next.

Went to the doc for my X-ray reading and was informed I'm fit as a fracking whistle, so no meds for me. I have no major complaints about that. Hope the nursing school doesn't have a problem with it. Krishna also seems to be doing well. I call for the results of her biospy tomorrow, but she's been running around like a fool since Tuesday evening, and she's been barking since Wednesday. The barks aren't as loud as usual since she still can't open her jaw all the way but they're there, so that's a plus. Feeding is problematic only if the food sticks together, because she can't get enough leverage to pick it up. I ended up hand-feeding her the last portion of her breakfast to make sure she got all her mashed up meds. Twas very funny, like feeding a baby. I was all "Here, Krishna, eat your food" and she'd mess around for a bit then eat. I could tell when she was having no more because she just sat down and looked away from me. That bitch.

Thanks to a couple of "addme" communities I've met a number of interesting new people. Color me surprised - I've always been wary of those places, because all the ones I saw seemed to be created by 17 year old girls who wanted to revel in their various eating disorders. But as far as I know the people I've come across aren't trying to convince me that ana is the way to go.

I form relationships over LJ (and the internet as a whole) the same way I form them IRL. It's odd and amusing, since I distinctly recall all my research saying that people bond more quickly over the internet and are prone to making more "friendships" due to the loss of inhibitions and fast feelings of intimacy that happen. But I make friends just as slowly over the internet as I do IRL. I also have as few real close friendships over the internet as I do IRL, lowered inhibition or no. Any way you slice it, I seem to be stuck in a life rut. I do so love to be an outlying case when it comes to research data.
fredericks: (Default)
I can directly trace the main source of stomach pains to my interactions with Pace. They played cocktease with me on a portion of my financial aid, a realization I didn't come upon until on the subway halfway home. That increased the pain I'd been feeling after finding out that the scholarship money I'm supposedly getting from them has yet to show up on their computers, making me wonder if I hallucinated both the phone call the woman made to me and my return confirmation phone call to her. I'm getting $1,450 less (grant) aid and may not be getting that scholarship money (or paying off my bills or getting that new computer or taking my dog to the vet; that crap about not counting your chicks makes damned sense). And, before getting punched in the gut by Fin Aid, I spent the morning getting stabbed by needles over and over again as the NP attempted to draw blood from my elusive veins for titers - oh, and my last tetanus shot was undocumented (given while I was in an ER) so I had to get stabbed for that as well. I was so frustrated when I came home and called up the Fin Aid office that I nearly shouted at the receptionist. Pace is like the abusive sadist S.O. I never ever wanted.
fredericks: (Spidey Dance)
I am damn near happy this morning. I seem to be able to write coherently again for the first time in eons, I was just informed my morning job is cancelled for tomorrow so I get to sleep in, I'm getting scholarship from Pace for $3800 per semester so I can afford to pay off my Amex and Radioshack bills AND possibly get an up-to-date PC (I've been putting one together in my head during lulls on the job), and my stomach hasn't bothered me for the morning (no jinx, please). W00t!!

The weirdest thing happened last night. It's late and I'm up for no good reason. I re-opened my Netflix account (one month only, until school kicks in) and so I came home after the whole Pace running around/interview thing (detailed in the below post) to find the first two disks of "Sex and the City" Season 4 and Daft Punk's "Interstella 555" waiting. Oh yeah. Started watching Interstella at 12:30 while cleaning up the kitchen. Great animation and, of course, I love the music (it was animation done by this famous Japanese guy whom I'm pretty sure I should know but, nope, to the entire album Daft Punk album "Discovery"). I knew I was sleepy because I teared up a little. And I was talking to the television screen ("No! Don't get shot!"). That wrapped up around 2 and I decided to watch the first episode of SatC.

Okay, so I'm on my couch watching the hijinks (*gasp* "Not a MONK!!") when I spy some lights moving down my driveway. At first I think nothing of it, but then I see them again. I'm thinking "There's a car pulling into the driveway?" I look out the back window and I see nothing. Then I hear the voices in the front and sirens. I head to the porch and there are like four cop cars and an ambulance out there, RIGHT in front of my house. At this point I'm thinking "something went down next door" until I see the cops walk up to *our* door, ring the doorbell and start pulling on the screen door like they want to be let in now. Surreal. Hoping it wasn't a drug bust gone horribly wrong (the NYPD has a habit of busting into random people's houses like that) I had to go back and take off the alarm (which I'd JUST put on when I saw the lights in the driveway, thinking things were suspicious) and then I opened the door and fielded the cop's questions. Turns out they were looking for an address that didn't exist on my block, one that lay between my neighbor's and my own. Huh. They apologized for disturbing me and then headed on their merry little way. I closed the door, put the alarm back on, sat there looking back in wonder at Krishna, and then went back to watching Samantha make canned good donation look sexual.

I need to go home and take a nap.
fredericks: (Mikey)
A long detailed recounting of the bulk of my day. In story form, only slightly proofread and more than a little pretentious (perhaps). You have been warned. )

The things I do to make my day appear interesting.

Anyway, picked up Annie Proulx' Close Range again, because I like "Brokeback Mountain" (well, most of it) and I'm looking forward to the movie. Yeehaw, little darlin.

QAF is officially off the air and, whew! The fandom was definitely the best part of the show, in positive and negative ways. Eh, I'm going to miss all the craziness, I cannot front. What new show am I going to start obsessing over?
fredericks: (Default)
So, my day in a nutshell:

PLUS - Got off work early since the afternoon class was cancelled.
MINUS - Tested positive for exposure to TB.

In my on-going admission to Pace/jump through hoops nightmare, I've "failed" my TB test and so must go and get a chest X-Ray before I'm allowed to proceed with classes. I don't have active TB, since I'm not sick or coughing up a lung, but I was more than a little surprised when I heard the news (only at first; I mean, I take the subway with 1 million other people every was bound to happen). Oddly enough, I was feeling a little congested, phlegmy, and cough-y this morning, right before I went to get my test checked and I didn't think anything of it. Turns out it was a reaction to whatever was in the subcutaneous shot the NP gave me.

Tomorrow, instead of joining my siblings on the beach on the day I took off, the day that's most likely going to be the hottest day of the year up to now, I'll be chilling in the free chest clinic taking in radiation and picking up the pills that I'm supposed to swallow for the next six months. And, oh, I have only a month to get a clean bill from whoever the funk. The fun never does stop in my house.
fredericks: (Ted Laid Out (if you know the artist ple)
In the mail came my revised financial aid statement from Pace, the statement whose reception I've been dreading for roughly a month. I opened the envelope and found...that it was the same thing that I got last time. Oh, but they did manage to add an extra $75 dollars, which I received from TAP. Surreal. I'm pretty sure it's still incorrect, but I have an almost Pavlovian fear of the black pen of the FinAid people. It would be great if I got the same amount of money that I see here, but when's the last time things worked out the way I wanted them to? The good/bad news is that I have to wait until Tuesday to see them. I'm not sure if I my stomach can take much more of this.

Today's baseball night. For the first time in years we're heading to a Mets game. And on Fireworks Night, no less. Tickets costing what they do, mom could only secure nosebleed seats for us, meaning we'll have a grand old time dodging and weaving the rockets as they go up. I do love sitting in the way ups, though. You can do a hell of a lot more goofing around up there, I think. God. It's been so long since either of the New York teams caught my eye, I don't even know what the starting line up is. I guess I should remedy that.

My youngest brothers are at the age where they want to socialize all the time. Of course, for their generation, most of this socialization occurs via the internet and the telephone. The two of them, at this very moment, are vying over who should be on the phone. As far as I can tell both of them have been on it for an ungodly amount of time for the day. It'd be amusing if I didn't hear every ten minutes "Get off the phone, dumbass! I got off for you!" "Shut up!", etc etc etc.
What the hell, it's amusing because of that.

On the book front, I finished both Lost Souls and Drawing Blood. I liked them, but Drawing Blood was more random with the secondary characters. Brite's calling card, I guess, is setting threads in motion and weaving them together slowly until the climax of the work. Blood had weaker threads and the storyline involving one of the main characters proved a distraction. But otherwise, good times. Next is Brite's Wormwood (not a continuation of either the Ghost/Steve or the Trevor/Zach stories, unfortunately) and Sarah Schulman's Rat Bohemia, an excerpt of which I read in my Gay Lit. class and that has managed to stick with me.

I've spent the day so far cleaning up dog upchuck and poop, de-shelling and seasoning shrimp, cleaning the kitchen, and watching NewsRadio. Fun. Well, that last part was fun. The first thing? not so much.


fredericks: (Default)

October 2013



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