Something to fall back on
Jul. 24th, 2005 07:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fredericksI've found a new church. Not by accident - I'd been searching for one for a little while now. I like to describe myself to those I care to open up to as agnostic, and to me that doesn't mean I've stopped looking for proof or disproof (or even that I'm looking now...I really don't know), just that I was tired of listening to churches (specifically the Catholic church) preach this is the only way and all else are going to hell. It made me doubt. Well (I type, because I shrugged and rolled my eyes) I made me doubt. I just use the church as a bit of an excuse, I guess. Even know I don't know what I believe, really. And, please, I know that you don't have to participate in religious establishments in order to believe in a God or what-have-you (I can literally feel certain people on my FL chomping at the bit to impart their own wisdom). I'm the sort of person that needs external order imparted, because my own life and thoughts always seem so chaotic.
So, how I found this new church. I knew it had to Episcopalian, so I spent some time looking over the NYC Division's website, checking out various web descriptions. It had to be a musical parish, and it had to be a little distance from my house, because I like traveling away from my house on weekday mornings (a partially empty subway train is surprisingly conducive for reading). I found St. Bartholomew's, and once I heard they had musical celebrations during the summer I was hooked. First time I went was last Sunday and it was amazing. The church itself is breathtakingly beautiful, the music was impressive, and the people were very warm and inviting. But the most important factor was the sermon. I'd spent my life in the Catholic Church basically being told week in and week out how we are to avoid evil and evildoers ("blah blah blah you're going to hell"), that these people are bad and those people are bad, and the first sermon I heard was one of tolerance and acceptance "...because who are we to judge?" That was it, that was all it took - I literally started crying in the pew. I've never ever done that before in church. I'd like to think I've never cried in public (sans crippling injury incidents, of course). And I tried to play it off by looking away and wiping my eyes really quickly, but the words hit home. I'd heard the parable the sermon was extrapolated from before a number of times in the Catholic church - the one about the wheat and the weeds - but what kept being pounded into my head was that WE are good if we do X and THEY are bad because they do Y, so we are to avoid them (and condemn them, of course). None of that finger-pointing went on, and it was so refreshing (some previous sermons can be found on the website; I guess they're not going to get around to putting up last week's sermon, which is more than a little disappointing).
I knew I'd be back the next week. Of course, it helped a hell of a lot that Bach's Mass in G-minor was to be performed. That was this afternoon. It was so beautiful (the actual mass was bookended by two works for organ in G-minor, two works which I know and love to high heaven, with the mass performed by the church adult choir and instrumentalists) and the sermon was great. I took so much to heart - about finding someone or something that stokes your inner flame or purpose or passion, for one. Jesus was mentioned as said person, of course, but unlike what I was used to in my old church I wasn't told it was an imperative that He fill this role. He never will, for me; this much I know for sure. There was more, but I'll stop because this entry is quickly becoming incoherent. I guess it's all about tailoring your words for your modern audience, and making the Word available to all who want to hear. And I mean ALL. And St. Barts does it. I've conversed more with the clergy of St. Barts over the last two Sundays than I have with the clergy of the church I've been forced to go to for the last 10 or so years, and they're so much more...accepting and warm is what I think I'm going for. AND (and!) there's a book club which is SO AMAZING. They're discussing Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. I nearly fell out of my seat when I read that. I'm hoping to attend the discussion session tomorrow, but the organizer hasn't e-mailed me details yet (I only did e-mail her when I got back in this afternoon; I tend to be impatient when I'm excited). Picked up the book on my way home, and I figure I can finish by tomorrow no problem.
I haven't been this thrilled about church in about forever. The weird part is that I really want to share it with my family and friends (as in "bring them with me"), but I'm afraid that they'll reject it or be indifferent towards it. I'm a classical music and gothic architecture buff, which is part of the reason why I'm so enthralled, but it would hurt me a little if ... if they didn't feel the same way, I suppose. I mean, it's not all classical music being played - next week they're doing a moderm mass scored for, among other things, soprano sax and drum set - but...Eh.
*
I got around to finishing the new HP yesterday. My cousin had a (non-misprinted) copy and I read the last 50 pages or so from her book. Twas a bit of a let-down, particularly after all that heightened expectation I had. I do have another copy of the book coming in from Amazon tomorrow for no additional charge, and I'm supposed to mail the messed up copy I have back to them within 30 days - however my aunt thinks the misprint will be worth money down the line and wants to hang onto it. Somehow I doubt it, but as long as she reimburses me for the cost of the book (that Amazon will charge me unless I mail it back within the time frame) I don't care.
*
*sigh* No, I don't need sex. I need something else. Maybe school, to take my mind off of things. The graphic novels, comics, and books are all well and good, although I do need more Starman STAT (Jack and Mikaal are, at this moment, blasting off to space...Linda and Wally, sitting in a tree...Kitty and Colossus: question mark question mark), but they're no substitute.
And, I know - go find it. Thanks.
*
I really need a cut. My hair? Atrocious.
That is all.
So, how I found this new church. I knew it had to Episcopalian, so I spent some time looking over the NYC Division's website, checking out various web descriptions. It had to be a musical parish, and it had to be a little distance from my house, because I like traveling away from my house on weekday mornings (a partially empty subway train is surprisingly conducive for reading). I found St. Bartholomew's, and once I heard they had musical celebrations during the summer I was hooked. First time I went was last Sunday and it was amazing. The church itself is breathtakingly beautiful, the music was impressive, and the people were very warm and inviting. But the most important factor was the sermon. I'd spent my life in the Catholic Church basically being told week in and week out how we are to avoid evil and evildoers ("blah blah blah you're going to hell"), that these people are bad and those people are bad, and the first sermon I heard was one of tolerance and acceptance "...because who are we to judge?" That was it, that was all it took - I literally started crying in the pew. I've never ever done that before in church. I'd like to think I've never cried in public (sans crippling injury incidents, of course). And I tried to play it off by looking away and wiping my eyes really quickly, but the words hit home. I'd heard the parable the sermon was extrapolated from before a number of times in the Catholic church - the one about the wheat and the weeds - but what kept being pounded into my head was that WE are good if we do X and THEY are bad because they do Y, so we are to avoid them (and condemn them, of course). None of that finger-pointing went on, and it was so refreshing (some previous sermons can be found on the website; I guess they're not going to get around to putting up last week's sermon, which is more than a little disappointing).
I knew I'd be back the next week. Of course, it helped a hell of a lot that Bach's Mass in G-minor was to be performed. That was this afternoon. It was so beautiful (the actual mass was bookended by two works for organ in G-minor, two works which I know and love to high heaven, with the mass performed by the church adult choir and instrumentalists) and the sermon was great. I took so much to heart - about finding someone or something that stokes your inner flame or purpose or passion, for one. Jesus was mentioned as said person, of course, but unlike what I was used to in my old church I wasn't told it was an imperative that He fill this role. He never will, for me; this much I know for sure. There was more, but I'll stop because this entry is quickly becoming incoherent. I guess it's all about tailoring your words for your modern audience, and making the Word available to all who want to hear. And I mean ALL. And St. Barts does it. I've conversed more with the clergy of St. Barts over the last two Sundays than I have with the clergy of the church I've been forced to go to for the last 10 or so years, and they're so much more...accepting and warm is what I think I'm going for. AND (and!) there's a book club which is SO AMAZING. They're discussing Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. I nearly fell out of my seat when I read that. I'm hoping to attend the discussion session tomorrow, but the organizer hasn't e-mailed me details yet (I only did e-mail her when I got back in this afternoon; I tend to be impatient when I'm excited). Picked up the book on my way home, and I figure I can finish by tomorrow no problem.
I haven't been this thrilled about church in about forever. The weird part is that I really want to share it with my family and friends (as in "bring them with me"), but I'm afraid that they'll reject it or be indifferent towards it. I'm a classical music and gothic architecture buff, which is part of the reason why I'm so enthralled, but it would hurt me a little if ... if they didn't feel the same way, I suppose. I mean, it's not all classical music being played - next week they're doing a moderm mass scored for, among other things, soprano sax and drum set - but...Eh.
*
I got around to finishing the new HP yesterday. My cousin had a (non-misprinted) copy and I read the last 50 pages or so from her book. Twas a bit of a let-down, particularly after all that heightened expectation I had. I do have another copy of the book coming in from Amazon tomorrow for no additional charge, and I'm supposed to mail the messed up copy I have back to them within 30 days - however my aunt thinks the misprint will be worth money down the line and wants to hang onto it. Somehow I doubt it, but as long as she reimburses me for the cost of the book (that Amazon will charge me unless I mail it back within the time frame) I don't care.
*
*sigh* No, I don't need sex. I need something else. Maybe school, to take my mind off of things. The graphic novels, comics, and books are all well and good, although I do need more Starman STAT (Jack and Mikaal are, at this moment, blasting off to space...Linda and Wally, sitting in a tree...Kitty and Colossus: question mark question mark), but they're no substitute.
And, I know - go find it. Thanks.
*
I really need a cut. My hair? Atrocious.
That is all.
