Scaaaaaaterbrained /Radiohead

[fredericks]

I keep meaning to write an entry but I become overwhelmed by the things I need to get off my chest, so nothing comes out. I figure the same thing's going to happen now; perhaps if I keep things brief and flesh them out later I'll at least have something to my name.

Yesterday I went to a screening of Jarhead, the new Jake Gyllenhaal movie that's supposed to come out this Friday. I liked it, and not only because Mssr. Gyllenhaal brough the pretty (oh, when he smiles the whole world smiles with him...). Laughed quite a bit during the viewing. I'm going to catch it again when it's released because of the laughs and because I want to see how they tighten it. It was a nice movie, yes, but it needs tightening. Gyllenhaal's the narrator of the movie and you get glimpses of his backstory but I actually found myself caring less about him than I did for a couple of other characters (mainly Peter Sarsgaard's character), and the conclusion of the movie was really weak (the "hit over the head with a message" quality of one scene aside). I don't know if it's the script or the way everything was cut that makes me think along those lines. Oh well. Final conclusions will be drawn in a couple of weeks.

Schoolwork this past week = crazy. So much to do and so little time to recharge. I come home, I'm exhausted, and I still have to do X, Y & Z. If I stay up to do X,Y & Z I wake up exhausted the next morning. If I don't, I'm screwed. Jesus. And I have 10 more months of this. It's one of those times where something like peer support really comes in handy. Then again, one would have to schedule said support in somewhere. Dammit.

The honeymoon [that is such an odd word - is it just me or does that look weird all of a sudden?] with St. Barts is over. I do love the music, but the difference in race and class between me and the bulk of the parishioners is really getting to me and making it impossible for me to keep my mind on worship. That and the way I seem to be ignored by the Youth Group and the music director. I swear, I feel like a pariah there. It all came to a head at the last "New Member" meeting I attended. I was getting ready to pick out a cupcake and there were two frosting flavors available - chocolate and vanilla. I managed to turn it into a meta-moment, where I believed if people saw me walking back to my seat with a vanilla-frosted cupcake they'd think I was "one of them" even though I was black (or an "oreo") and if I chose a chocolate-frosted cupcake I was, like, really black and an outsider. So retarded, yet not. I finally chose the chocolate. No one outside or inside of my head commented on the selection.

Life comes full-circle. I'm 25 years old and I still work out to be the kid sitting alone in the corner reading encyclopedias for fun.


Oh! This past week was the second meeting of nycbookclub, and it was gnarly. I was admittedly out-of-it because of the schoolwork pressure but the three ladies that came were smart and witty. We read The Kite Runner, which was pretty good even with all the raping that went on (I remember reading it during one of my clinicals at Pace and then snorting and turing to a fellow student to say, "Damn, there's a lot of violating in this book". She eyed me for a second before laughing uneasily; I'm unsure whether she moved away from me or not). I tried posting adverts for new members and a couple more people signed on, which I'm psyched about. Hopefully the book club can be kept afloat a bit longer.

When we were talking in the meeting someone brought up the whole Friend's Filter thing and how it keeps people off your Friend's List and I...mind-boggled. Simply mind-boggled. I mean, I understand the Friend's Filter for certain posts you make in your own journal to a certain extent but not reading a community or person's journal because they're filtered off your list...why even bother friending them in the first place? A heads up, and I don't mean this in a disrespectful way at all - if I'm filtered off your friend's list so the only way you can read what I write is if you click on my journal or what-have-you, simply defriend me. Then again, you won't read what I wrote above anyway, so... Hmm. LJ etiquette at its finest.

This entry is so very over.

Comments

[sternel.livejournal.com]

Well, having been in that whole filtering commentary...

It's mostly friends of friends, or members of my uni group that I really don't particularly like but keep around because, well, it's not worth the flamewar if I defriend them. Mmm, LJ politics.

[light-over-me.livejournal.com]

I've got 2 different filters...one for communities, and one for friends. That's just because I belong to so many active communities and my friends entries tend to get lost in all the shuffle...so really the filter is just there to make it easier. Ok, you ARE technically on a filter... but... :)

[1x2foralways.livejournal.com]

I would see Jarhead in a second...only I don't have the tolerance or the patience to sit through a war movie. I know, I'm so uneducated and ignorant. :P But I really can't stand those types of movies. Is it 100% all about war? Or did I make an entirely false misconception about the whole thing?

I feel your pain about the schoolwork and having to do X, Y, and Z. When I was in school for medical coding I had to juggle work/school/me time. And it was not fun. I hope it gets a little easier for you.

The whole cupcake thing...no offense, but your church sounds like it's attended by a bunch of snobs -- with the exception of you and your family, of course.

I'm really -- and I mean REALLY -- going to try to make the next book club meeting. Hopefully I'll be financially stable enough by then to attend. We shall see.

And to close, I miss talking to you and I hope life in general gets better and goes more smoothly for you.

[sibyline.livejournal.com]

yeah, i don't have the filter thing either, and i generally like long posts about people's daily lives, so i read yours with interest, especially because it was really nice to meet you last week.

[devoosha.livejournal.com]

Mmm...Jake G. is very easy on the eyes. I agree.

I dubbed about a thousand of those commercials for Jarhead...glad to know it's worth a look.

[darker-one.livejournal.com]

Life comes full-circle. I'm 25 years old and I still work out to be the kid sitting alone in the corner reading encyclopedias for fun.

That made me smile. I'm 29, and I'm still the odd girl at work because I spend my lunch hours alone reading rather than socializing with my coworkers. It's not even an intentional choice... it just sort of turns out that way for me a lot of the time. It's easier to entertain myself than wonder why I don't quite fit it.

[fredericks.livejournal.com]

Ye GODS, the flamewars. Yes. LJ drama.

See, I can sort of understand but even then...if someone doesn't like someone else for whatever reason, why bother playing nice? I have yet to figure out this socialization thing. It's like Arabic to be: real purty but impossible to get my tongue around.

[fredericks.livejournal.com]

*grin* I remember you mentioning your filter methods a little while back. The whole comm/friend division I get. What I *don't* get are people that friend and then never bother to read what appears somewhere. Why would you friend someone or something and then never bother to read what is posted there? I'd say it's a waste of time, but then again it's not. It's just weird to me.

[fredericks.livejournal.com]

Jarhead isn't about the war (Persian Gulf) so much as it is about a group of soldiers that participate in it. There's training and some battle shown, but very little time is spent on planning and wartime mumbo-jumbo. I'm not a war movie person either, but I was surprised by how well I took to Jarhead. But it's a movie that would play as well on a small screen I think; if you're not too confident you'll enjoy it you might as well wait until it comes out on video.

The thing about nursing classes is that I'm not even working. All I'm doing is schoolwork (new for me since I worked during all my years of college). I'm STILL getting my ass handed to me. And I hear the next semester is like this one, only dialed to 11. Me = unhappy. Thanks for the sympathy, though. It's appreciated.

The whole cupcake thing...no offense, but your church sounds like it's attended by a bunch of snobs -- with the exception of you and your family, of course.
Ha. See, the cupcake episode was something I internalized. I have no clue if that's what anyone might have thought. But the fact that I was even *thinking* that showed me I wasn't in the right frame-of-mind. St. Barts had gone from a peaceful house of worship to a place where I felt like an outsider. I've met some really great people there, but the assholes have a tendency to stick out in my mind.

I'm really -- and I mean REALLY -- going to try to make the next book club meeting.
*grin* We'll look forward to seeing you. Absolutely no pressure, of course.

Thanks for caring. You're gnarly. *grin*

[fredericks.livejournal.com]

Aww. You're a doll. I enjoyed your company as well. How's the knit work coming on that square red thing you were working on? I can't believe I never asked you what you intended it to be.

I don't bother to filter; anyone I friend I intend to read. Otherwise why should I bother friending you? *shrug* Life's too short to placate people online.

[fredericks.livejournal.com]

I was just thinking what works on him just looks odd on his sister, like the nose. Particularly the nose.

Movie's nice, though. Go see!

[fredericks.livejournal.com]

*grin* I stopped caring to socialize around the 6th grade. That royally stunted the few skills I'd managed to develop to the point where I honestly have no clue how to interact with others, something that is apparently hard for a number of people to grasp. Usually I have no problem going off to entertain myself (in rated G ways, of course) but now that I'm thinking about networking in order to get a leg up on jobs in my field I realize I sort of screwed. Oh well. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Neat icon, btw.

[snacktastic.livejournal.com]

You care about Peter Saarsgard, btw, b/c he's infinitely hotter than Gynllenhaal. But perhaps, I'm projecting. I love me some Saarsgard. I tell you, the older I get, the more my essential personality becomes evident. I think you become more like you are as a kid and it's harder to make connections with new people, imo. I am stuck in my ways more than I like to admit. Good luck finding a community that will feel comfortable (that wasn't sarcasm either)--it's tough alot of time. And you know, I don't have multiple filters. I am lucky if I filter myself at all.

[captainschlumpy.livejournal.com]

Hey, I read! Anyway, sorry to hear about your church. never worry about filters from me. They seem weird and pointless.

[bbart.livejournal.com]

I don't use friends filters. The way I figure it, if I don't want the person to read about this or that, then I shouldn't have them on my friends list in the first place.

The only thought I would've had if I saw you pick the chocolate-frosted cupcake would be, "I hope that's not the last one."

[fredericks.livejournal.com]

If I was told to chose which one was more beautiful between the two (oh, to be Paris in a scenario like that!) I'd have to give it to Gyllenhaal. It's the smile. I like dorky dimply smiles and boyish charm. Then again, every time I saw Sarsgaard on the screen I kept envisioning him making out with Liam Neeson so he gets bonus points.

think you become more like you are as a kid and it's harder to make connections with new people, imo.
You might have something there. Or you never really change.

[fredericks.livejournal.com]

I know you read! *grin*

[fredericks.livejournal.com]

The only thought I would've had if I saw you pick the chocolate-frosted cupcake would be, "I hope that's not the last one."
Hee! Stop being funny. *grin*