My Project

Hi-yo! On the Mezzanine again, checking out e-mail and working on my project. I'm supposed to meet with Professor Winzce in t-minus two hours and there are butterflies in my stomach.

I've worked out what my projects going to entail, basically. I'm going to look at insight-oriented and action-oriented therapy and see which one can be most successfully done over the web. At first I was simply going to look at relationships over the web and see if they were more/less/as salient as relationships in RL, but the topic didn't lend itself well to probing and I couldn't decide whether I wanted to narrow it down to friendships or romantic relationships. Also, I couldn't come up with a reasonable scientific excuse for researching the topic, besides the fact that I was curious as to what I'd find. It's hard to find funding for a topic when your proposal simply says "well, yeah, I'm just really really curious to see whether this is true or not...and I have no idea how this will relate to the field and/or society at large" (as Professor Wincze was kind enough to point out those many months ago). At least with the therapy angle the benefits of research are straightforward. And I have less of an emotional stake in the topic.

I'm planning on starting my work with the somewhat shaky proposition that it's possible to form meaningful relationships over the Internet, even if some people say no. People can never agree on anything, especially when those people are researchers. Next I suppose I'll have to describe in detail the ideal client-therapist relationship (using texts and papers). The next step - highlighting the unique qualities to online relations/conversations and how that will lend itself to therapy. Then I intend on discussing some papers that go into therapy that's currently done over the web...although at the moment all I've found is one paper on group therapy (which I don't intend to address), one on VR therapy to overcome phobias (which technically isn't done over the web), and a few on people using bulletin boards and chat rooms for non-professional therapeutic purposes. Papers are few and far-between on the subject. Somehow I'll have to work in a discussion of neo-psychoanalytical therapy and cognitive-behavioral therapy and then compare and contrast the two, using everything I've highlighted before to decide if one is more feasible that the other via online outlets...or if either of them can be reasonably done. How I would test this experimentally I'm still drawing a blank on. I suppose when I see Prof. Wincze today he'll help me out with that one (not that I'd ever run the experiment, but for the experience of writing a proposal and dealing with the statistical side of things).

That helped. I'm still a bit nervous about seeing the guy, but knowing that I'm on-track and somewhat confident in my line of questioning allievates the butterflies...a little bit.

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Finding Nemo comes out tomorrow. I'll most likely make it my business to see it, and I suppose I'll ask Ozzie if she wants to as well. I don't know. Oh, and hopefully I can find a research position up here soon. I need to get my resume in order...perhaps swing by Career Services for a helping hand with that. Alright, it's off to work.

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"Live in the now".
Amen, brother. Amen.

Me stupid...argh!

Just came back from my meeting with Wincze. Dear Lord. It was such a relief to walk out of his office but I cringe when I think back on all I said. It's like when I'm sitting in front of the man I turn into a blithering idiot. I had all my points nicely laid out before I left my room. I also had all my research papers as evidence. But as I'm rushing up Angell (late per usual) I got so nervous I started talking to myself. Then I sit down and just start "blah blah blah"ing, as all my excellent points left my head. I'm not attracted to the man, so stop that train of thought right there in the station. I think it's because I feel so stupid when I'm around him. It's like, he's heaped me with praise but yet I feel like I know nothing when I meet with him. Maybe that's why I've stalled working on this damned project. No one likes to feel like an idiot, not even the Queen Idiot herself. How am I supposed to go to grad school if I can't even come up with a decent research question?? Everytime I think I have one and a good line of attack Wincze gently pulls the rug out from under me, pointing out my flaws. Gently, always gently. God, I think for once I wish he'd beat me about the head with his opinion on my intelligence (or lack thereof). I think the fact that the man's so kind to me makes my own incompetence harder and harder to take. Argh!