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I'm a loser. Blah blah.
Sep. 14th, 2004 12:16 amI'm leaving the computer lab, heading towards the 10th floor elevators, when I run into someone I recognize instantly. It's Lydia, a girl that I went to high school and college with. Well, not really *with*; I had a couple of classes with her at Bronx and ran into her occasionally at Brown, but that's about it. I was just about as shocked to see her as she seemed to see me. We chatted for a little bit, and she told me that she was at Hunter working on pre-med. Funny. She working to be a doctor, me working to be a nurse. On the ride down she explained that she'd taken a year off from Brown and had graduated 2003. She assumed out loud, then asked if I graduated 2002. For some reason I said "yes", and by the time I'd fully realized what I'd said she'd continued on talking. I never did correct her. I don't really know why.
Anyway, we talked all the way to the F-train station and exchanged contact information. I'm fairly certain I'm never going to have need to talk to her again, but seeing as we keep running into one another at different institutions I figure I should drop her a line now and again, just out of curiousity.
Meeting her got me thinking, mainly about how I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with my life. When she said she was pre-med I thought to myself "that's what I should be doing! Going to med school!". Jo always says as much, and I trust her judgment. But then...I look at how much I'm loathing the memorization involved in Anatomy. And how badly Orgo kicked my tail. They always said Orgo was the best way to gauge one's readiness for Med School and, apparently, I wasn't and aren't ready.
Then there are the letters of recommendation. *sigh* Who would I ask? I need to start thinking about those, like, NOW.
The hell am I doing? Just wasting time, trying to avoid facing the fact that I'm a hopeless case? I should have taken Geico up full-time. Just dropped school for a bit, tell the manager "Oh yes, I'm totally dedicated to making Geico my life", make okay money, and move on up the ladder with the speed of light. Because what am I doing at Hunter? Honestly? Bullshitting with the hopes that I'll find a purpose within the next year. Meanwhile I'm living at home in a situation that's becoming more and more irksome, working jobs below my skills. I can't go through life like this, really. I'm entering a near-coma because of the drudgery of it all. Which is weird, because a part of me seems to enjoy it, but another part of me looks around, sees my friends going on to bigger and better things, and just dies inside. So much of this is my own doing (or NON-doing, to be more specific), but it doesn't make it any easier. No one ever consciously sets out to fuck up their lives.
And on that note, I'm going to head to bed. Long day tomorrow.
Anyway, we talked all the way to the F-train station and exchanged contact information. I'm fairly certain I'm never going to have need to talk to her again, but seeing as we keep running into one another at different institutions I figure I should drop her a line now and again, just out of curiousity.
Meeting her got me thinking, mainly about how I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with my life. When she said she was pre-med I thought to myself "that's what I should be doing! Going to med school!". Jo always says as much, and I trust her judgment. But then...I look at how much I'm loathing the memorization involved in Anatomy. And how badly Orgo kicked my tail. They always said Orgo was the best way to gauge one's readiness for Med School and, apparently, I wasn't and aren't ready.
Then there are the letters of recommendation. *sigh* Who would I ask? I need to start thinking about those, like, NOW.
The hell am I doing? Just wasting time, trying to avoid facing the fact that I'm a hopeless case? I should have taken Geico up full-time. Just dropped school for a bit, tell the manager "Oh yes, I'm totally dedicated to making Geico my life", make okay money, and move on up the ladder with the speed of light. Because what am I doing at Hunter? Honestly? Bullshitting with the hopes that I'll find a purpose within the next year. Meanwhile I'm living at home in a situation that's becoming more and more irksome, working jobs below my skills. I can't go through life like this, really. I'm entering a near-coma because of the drudgery of it all. Which is weird, because a part of me seems to enjoy it, but another part of me looks around, sees my friends going on to bigger and better things, and just dies inside. So much of this is my own doing (or NON-doing, to be more specific), but it doesn't make it any easier. No one ever consciously sets out to fuck up their lives.
And on that note, I'm going to head to bed. Long day tomorrow.
