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Jan. 12th, 2004 10:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fredericksMy uncle is very sick at the moment and is currently in the hospital. He's been ill for some time, but he seems to be deteriorating more and more rapidly. No one knows what he has; not the doctors, not my aunt (the nurse), and especially not us lay people. First we were told it was cancer, now we're told it may be a number of things. All we know for sure is that my uncle is being subjected to test after test after test with no conclusive findings.
Mom spends a lot of time on the phone with her sisters talking about what's happening (my uncle is her twin's husband). I guess that sort of sewing circle chatting comes naturally to all of them, particularly at times like this. What gets me is that a lot of their conversation is gossip/speculation about what happened/what's happening/what will happen. I guess I understand why mom would do all of that, it's a way that she copes and it's a way to get and give support, but it's so foreign to me. I suppose that's because I've always felt like I should shoulder obstacles on my own. I've never seen the use of idle speculation on the worse, and I find it a waste of time to gossip about situations you have no hand in. I'm not terribly chatty, even during the worst of times.
So today was more of the same. It was just mom and myself at home. In-between the bevy of phone calls my grandfather called, rather distraught. He told my mother that my aunt had called him and told him to tell everyone else to gather at the hospital because my uncle had taken "a turn for the worse". Mom's on the line with my dad at the time as well. On hearing this, mom clicks back over to dad and tells him this, then breaks out into tears. I'm sitting there watching "Sportscenter" while all of this is happening, not feeling much of anything, but when mom started crying I felt obligated to try to comfort her. It's a task that I'm only used to attempting with children under 3, and one that no one in my family is good at, so I didn't really know how to proceed. I sort of followed her around while she paced up and down on the phone with dad and stood close to her, occasionally rubbing her back. I guess my logic was if it worked for distressed babies it should work for adults as well. After mom's done telling dad what's what, she calls my grandmother and asks her if that's all so. Grandma apparently says no, because mom eventually calms down and stops pacing. Once I realized that uncle wasn't on death's doorstep and it was a false alarm I quickly sat back down and unmuted the television.
Now, in my defense, may I just say that I'm not an uncaring individual. But for some reason all of these events and the illness of my uncle just haven't hit home yet. I mean, I've visited him, the man is visibly sick, but...I don't know. I just can't feel anything about the situation. At times I feel guilty that the thought of my dog dying affects me more than the thought of my uncle in a hospital with an unknown illness and IVs sticking out everywhere. I sum it up by saying, in the understatement of the year, that I'm "weird".
My folks (mainly mom, her sisters, and mother) have taken it upon themselves to try to determine what's wrong with uncle. And it seems they've narrowed it down to slow-acting poison or bad gris-gris. Don't know what to think about that one.
Mom spends a lot of time on the phone with her sisters talking about what's happening (my uncle is her twin's husband). I guess that sort of sewing circle chatting comes naturally to all of them, particularly at times like this. What gets me is that a lot of their conversation is gossip/speculation about what happened/what's happening/what will happen. I guess I understand why mom would do all of that, it's a way that she copes and it's a way to get and give support, but it's so foreign to me. I suppose that's because I've always felt like I should shoulder obstacles on my own. I've never seen the use of idle speculation on the worse, and I find it a waste of time to gossip about situations you have no hand in. I'm not terribly chatty, even during the worst of times.
So today was more of the same. It was just mom and myself at home. In-between the bevy of phone calls my grandfather called, rather distraught. He told my mother that my aunt had called him and told him to tell everyone else to gather at the hospital because my uncle had taken "a turn for the worse". Mom's on the line with my dad at the time as well. On hearing this, mom clicks back over to dad and tells him this, then breaks out into tears. I'm sitting there watching "Sportscenter" while all of this is happening, not feeling much of anything, but when mom started crying I felt obligated to try to comfort her. It's a task that I'm only used to attempting with children under 3, and one that no one in my family is good at, so I didn't really know how to proceed. I sort of followed her around while she paced up and down on the phone with dad and stood close to her, occasionally rubbing her back. I guess my logic was if it worked for distressed babies it should work for adults as well. After mom's done telling dad what's what, she calls my grandmother and asks her if that's all so. Grandma apparently says no, because mom eventually calms down and stops pacing. Once I realized that uncle wasn't on death's doorstep and it was a false alarm I quickly sat back down and unmuted the television.
Now, in my defense, may I just say that I'm not an uncaring individual. But for some reason all of these events and the illness of my uncle just haven't hit home yet. I mean, I've visited him, the man is visibly sick, but...I don't know. I just can't feel anything about the situation. At times I feel guilty that the thought of my dog dying affects me more than the thought of my uncle in a hospital with an unknown illness and IVs sticking out everywhere. I sum it up by saying, in the understatement of the year, that I'm "weird".
My folks (mainly mom, her sisters, and mother) have taken it upon themselves to try to determine what's wrong with uncle. And it seems they've narrowed it down to slow-acting poison or bad gris-gris. Don't know what to think about that one.
