I had a dream

[fredericks]

I just had a dream. An atypical one for one, but one of those that make me wish I could just fall back asleep. Its specifics are leaving now, as I look at the glowing computer screen. I remember being at home? maybe? somewhere in NY around the Jamaica 169th St. terminal at a house where my family lived, although the people I interacted with looked nothing like my family I just knew they were. I was dressed for school, maybe? I had my bookbag on. It was mom's birthday and ( I remember now) we were on vacation in this house. I walk into the house and I felt loved immediately. But it wasn't because of my folks. They were berating me/bickering among themselves. All around me were little proofs of my current failure (manifested, simply enough, as bad test scores). I felt loved because I was with someone I loved who looked like...Brian Kinney. When I woke up I realized the humor behind that one. But it comes from getting too little sleep and watching too much Queer as Folk. But his appearance is besides the point. I felt so safe and so secure with this individual. So...loved. Utterly accepted in every way. It was a wonderful feeling. And now that I'm awake I realize what a rare feeling that is for me. "Rare" as in "never felt before".

So yes. My folks were yelling at me and then they just disappeared. Maybe they went to another room. And I told the guy (Brian) I was with "let's go". And he smiled, hugged and kissed me, and headed out the open front door. I started out but then stopped to look at the signs of failure. Before I'd been dreading them, but now, after the outpouring of emotion, I no longer feared them. As I was attempting to gather them up to carry with me outside I woke up. In my sleep-induced haze I was in a panic, wanting to go back to sleep, wanting to meet that guy and feel that...thing again. Then I realized that it was just a dream and that it was 8:20 and I should probably get up.