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Blah blah blah.
May. 8th, 2004 02:07 amI'm at work. I pull out my copy of Entertainment Weekly, start flipping through, and get to the Troy set pics. And my jaw drops. Eric Bana's pecs - are those things for real? I mean, goddamn. Can one achieve things like those without juicing up? And I hope he isn't juicing up, because drugs are bad. Bad bad. But pecs are good. Good good. And if that doesn't say volumes about my state of mind right now...
I'm tired. And just out of it. Every day is bleeding into the other, in a way that wouldn't be so horrible if it didn't seem like the calm before the storm. Wake up, work, come home, fuck around with the family, sleep, start it all again. I'm starting up with the distancing again, the way I usually do it when I'm unhappy. Jo I've avoided calling for about a month, and she seems to think that's just me. Which is okay. But it's not okay. Because it's selfish. I mean, I care about these people. The few people I can call friends. And, for me, it's well enough to know that they're around. But that's not fair, because what if they need someone to talk to? We all cope differently. I just don't know. What the hell happened to my energy? I want a nice quiet room without anyone making noise upstairs or downstairs. I want a day to sleep in. A week to sleep in. A month, even. I miss the isolation that campus life allowed me. The ability to withdraw while still being able to step out when I feel like it and observe. Being part while not being part. It's something that being in the city would allow. I need my room. Always I'm physically surrounded by someone. It's not good for my mental health.
True story -
Me: Man, guess what I found out today.
Bro: What?
Me: You know those Vitamin Waters? That go for around $1.50 here and $2.00 in the city? Well, I went into the 99 Cent store and guess how much they have them for?
Bro: ::blank expression::
Me: ::excited:: Well, guess!
Bro: ::skyward glance, prayer for my sanity, sigh:: Ninety-nine cents?
Me: ::oblivious, still animated:: Yes! Ninety-nine cents! Isn't that amazing??
I need help. In more ways than one.
I haven't started seriously studying for Samaritans. I think I *want* to fail.
I don't want to, but I obviously want to.
I'm tired. And just out of it. Every day is bleeding into the other, in a way that wouldn't be so horrible if it didn't seem like the calm before the storm. Wake up, work, come home, fuck around with the family, sleep, start it all again. I'm starting up with the distancing again, the way I usually do it when I'm unhappy. Jo I've avoided calling for about a month, and she seems to think that's just me. Which is okay. But it's not okay. Because it's selfish. I mean, I care about these people. The few people I can call friends. And, for me, it's well enough to know that they're around. But that's not fair, because what if they need someone to talk to? We all cope differently. I just don't know. What the hell happened to my energy? I want a nice quiet room without anyone making noise upstairs or downstairs. I want a day to sleep in. A week to sleep in. A month, even. I miss the isolation that campus life allowed me. The ability to withdraw while still being able to step out when I feel like it and observe. Being part while not being part. It's something that being in the city would allow. I need my room. Always I'm physically surrounded by someone. It's not good for my mental health.
True story -
Me: Man, guess what I found out today.
Bro: What?
Me: You know those Vitamin Waters? That go for around $1.50 here and $2.00 in the city? Well, I went into the 99 Cent store and guess how much they have them for?
Bro: ::blank expression::
Me: ::excited:: Well, guess!
Bro: ::skyward glance, prayer for my sanity, sigh:: Ninety-nine cents?
Me: ::oblivious, still animated:: Yes! Ninety-nine cents! Isn't that amazing??
I need help. In more ways than one.
I haven't started seriously studying for Samaritans. I think I *want* to fail.
I don't want to, but I obviously want to.
