Me stupid...argh!

[fredericks]

Just came back from my meeting with Wincze. Dear Lord. It was such a relief to walk out of his office but I cringe when I think back on all I said. It's like when I'm sitting in front of the man I turn into a blithering idiot. I had all my points nicely laid out before I left my room. I also had all my research papers as evidence. But as I'm rushing up Angell (late per usual) I got so nervous I started talking to myself. Then I sit down and just start "blah blah blah"ing, as all my excellent points left my head. I'm not attracted to the man, so stop that train of thought right there in the station. I think it's because I feel so stupid when I'm around him. It's like, he's heaped me with praise but yet I feel like I know nothing when I meet with him. Maybe that's why I've stalled working on this damned project. No one likes to feel like an idiot, not even the Queen Idiot herself. How am I supposed to go to grad school if I can't even come up with a decent research question?? Everytime I think I have one and a good line of attack Wincze gently pulls the rug out from under me, pointing out my flaws. Gently, always gently. God, I think for once I wish he'd beat me about the head with his opinion on my intelligence (or lack thereof). I think the fact that the man's so kind to me makes my own incompetence harder and harder to take. Argh!

Comments

Re: Genius....

[fredericks.livejournal.com]

You've taken it upon yourself to be my little morale booster, haven't you? *grin* I really appreciate the common sense messages you're sending my way. To explain myself, I find I start up with the histrionics and angst a lot and I think it's because I was a pretty quiet, complacent adolescent: no punk hairdos, no illicit love affairs. The worst thing I did was consistently return library books late. I think I've been making up for lost time during the last two years. Or perhaps I'm just allowing myself to be human for once. Who knows?
But, yes, thanks for the positive words and hilarious anecdote.