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fredericksDone. Done. DONE. Well, possibly.
I finally mailed Prof. Wincze a copy of my paper that I'm pretty happy with. For the first time in roughly 9 months I'm no longer freaking out about references or APA Guidelines or finding Internet usage statistics. It's such a FUCKING WONDERFUL feeling. The paper is by no means perfect; I mean, I simply got to the point where I was sick and tired of revising and revising and revising so I wrote up a quick abstract and sent it out. And it tops out at 23 pages, with 5 of those pages being references. Seems so short, seems like it doesn't adequately sum up all the time, effort, sweat and tears I put into that thing. How many damn nights I broke down over it. How many many days I spent freaking out over it and literally mumbling to myself because of it. But...whatever. When I look on it I'll know how hard I worked on it. I just hope Wincze feels the same way.
It was funny. When I was done, after I'd sent it out and received the "your mail has been sent" message, all I could do was smile. I was exhausted as all hell because I'd spent the last week doing nothing but either worrying about the paper and not sleeping or staying up all night working on the paper and not sleeping, but I knew I had to leave the house. I decided to run some Krishna-related errands instead of hunkering down for a nap. I'm on the bus, I'm in Home Depot, I'm in Petland, and all I could do was smile. It felt so good to have that weight lifted off my shoulder. People must have thought I was off my rocker. It didn't help that I wore my "I did not escape, they gave me a day-pass" T-shirt. Ha. Funny.
So now I finally have enough brain cells unoccupied to seriously try to figure out what the hell I'm going to do from here. I need a job and I need to decide whether I'm going to go to grad school or whether I should look into nursing school. About a year and a half ago if I'd tried to figure out what I was going to do with my life I would have broken down/freaked out. Now, though, having had just gone through hell to get that paper done, this really seems like nothing. I feel like I can handle anything. I hope this feeling holds for a while, because I think I'm really really going to have to deal with a lot of crap in the future.
I finally mailed Prof. Wincze a copy of my paper that I'm pretty happy with. For the first time in roughly 9 months I'm no longer freaking out about references or APA Guidelines or finding Internet usage statistics. It's such a FUCKING WONDERFUL feeling. The paper is by no means perfect; I mean, I simply got to the point where I was sick and tired of revising and revising and revising so I wrote up a quick abstract and sent it out. And it tops out at 23 pages, with 5 of those pages being references. Seems so short, seems like it doesn't adequately sum up all the time, effort, sweat and tears I put into that thing. How many damn nights I broke down over it. How many many days I spent freaking out over it and literally mumbling to myself because of it. But...whatever. When I look on it I'll know how hard I worked on it. I just hope Wincze feels the same way.
It was funny. When I was done, after I'd sent it out and received the "your mail has been sent" message, all I could do was smile. I was exhausted as all hell because I'd spent the last week doing nothing but either worrying about the paper and not sleeping or staying up all night working on the paper and not sleeping, but I knew I had to leave the house. I decided to run some Krishna-related errands instead of hunkering down for a nap. I'm on the bus, I'm in Home Depot, I'm in Petland, and all I could do was smile. It felt so good to have that weight lifted off my shoulder. People must have thought I was off my rocker. It didn't help that I wore my "I did not escape, they gave me a day-pass" T-shirt. Ha. Funny.
So now I finally have enough brain cells unoccupied to seriously try to figure out what the hell I'm going to do from here. I need a job and I need to decide whether I'm going to go to grad school or whether I should look into nursing school. About a year and a half ago if I'd tried to figure out what I was going to do with my life I would have broken down/freaked out. Now, though, having had just gone through hell to get that paper done, this really seems like nothing. I feel like I can handle anything. I hope this feeling holds for a while, because I think I'm really really going to have to deal with a lot of crap in the future.
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Congratulations!
Date: 2003-09-09 02:55 pm (UTC)I'm very happy that you made it through your paper.
It's when we care about something that we really have to finish it, isn't it. Because if we didn't really care about it, we'd definitely say "FUCK IT!"
So now, enjoy yourself! You did it. I'm very impressed.
Re: Congratulations!
Date: 2003-09-09 08:03 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for the words of thanks! *grin*
As usual, you are on the money. Caring means never giving up. And always leaving them the last powdered donut.
Oh, and I SO plan on enjoying myself. I'm *still* smiling, for like the first time in eons. It's really bordering on scary now.
Thanks again, btw. I hope you're doing well as well.