Sweet Jesus (because low carb is not an option)

[fredericks]

My uncle has cancer. No bad gris-gris, no underripened ackee, just good old-fashioned pancreatic cancer that's spread all over. I'm coping with it like I cope with all things - minimalizing and ignoring. I saw him last about two weeks ago. It was a horrible experience. It was his birthday and I was told to bring cakes up to his room. When I got there I was just...shocked by how different he looked. I mean, he was never a particularly heavy guy and he'd lost so much weight. And it wasn't just the weight, it was his spirit. It was palpable. He was always such an energetic man, always up and on the go, and, I mean, *damn*. I tried to carry on like I usually do with him, like I carry on with anyone else worth a damn really, with the wisecracks and the throw-away comments. I didn't want to placate him, to make it seem like I was treating him any differently, because that's how I know I'd want people to treat me if I was in that situation, but it didn't make a difference. He didn't much interact with anyone in the room. Can't blame him for that, I suppose. My brother went to see him yesterday and he said he lost even more weight. I just can't deal with that. I couldn't deal with it if that was my dad. I don't know how my cousins are holding up. My aunt has this veneer of calm about her which is painful to take only because you can see how damn fucked up she is underneath. When you speak to her, her tone is false. I'm just waiting for her to implode, waiting for her to breakdown and scream. I'd much rather deal with that than this. One of my cousins was complaining that she jumps on his back for the smallest thing nowadays, and I told him to just sit there and take it because apparently that's how she's decided to vent.


Oldest bro and I have decided to give up meat for Lent. Aren't we super-de-duper Catholics? Well, maybe he is. I was supposed to wake up at 5:30 yesterday morning to go to Mass but of course the alarm went off and I went back to sleep. I didn't even manage to make it to 9AM Mass. I did accomplish everything else I wanted to do that morning, though. So, yeah, it's going to be warm as fuck in my afterlife. I figure to go the ovo-lacto-vegetarian route, because I'm lazy (hello? it's me I'm talking about).

Gounod's Ave Maria decided to make its appearance on my jukebox. *snort* The man should be damned ashamed of himself. He adds a soaring lyrical line to Bach's work and gets street cred. He's like the Puff Daddy of 19th century music.

I found a Aikido storefront dojo while running my errands yesterday. I figure I should check it out since I still have my gi from school. Hopefully it's not an arm and a leg. I would do the main dojo in Manhattan, but I know that one's a little pricey. Factor in the travel time and eh. But to be taught by one of the main sensei's in the US is a definite bonus. I'll see what happens.


What the HELL are the lyrics to this song? Oh well. I should just shake my ass and go along with it. ::cue HDGB::

Comments

[candicelbj.livejournal.com]

:( I'm sorry about your uncle :-\

Your title made me laugh

You're a strong person @ Lent.

[fredericks.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

The title just came to me for some reason. I'm odd like that.

Heh. It's Day 3 and I'm now realizing what an integral part of my diet dead animals are. MorningStar substitutes, while good, in no way measure up to the real thing. And I said I wanted to do this full-time.

[kommisar.livejournal.com]

I just LOVE junkieXL!!!!!!!!!!

[gorzo.livejournal.com]

Hee! 19th century street cred!

Cancer fucking sucks. I'm sorry.