On dreams and, uhm, my LJ

My dreams used to be a lot more fanciful, but with a touch of realism. So I'd dream that, you know, I was fighting some vampire...well, okay, not so much "fighting" as "running like mad from". In most of them I'm rather impotent. So, if I'm Storm (another one of my faves) I'll spend most of my dream futilely attempting to summon lightning, then give up and end up running like mad. I'm a track star in my own damn head. The one time I can remember actually *doing* something of use in my dreams was the right after the semester I kicked ass in all my classes during college. The night of my first day back I had a dream where I was the red dude from "Legends of Dragoon" (my summer obsession), and I was *whaling* on this bad guy. It was so great that I don't think I'll ever forget it.

But these days? I don't know. I think maybe because I'm reading less fantasy than I used to, all my dreams are so ... not fanciful? is what I think I'm going for. And have a lot more to do with what I'm thinking in the now directly. There's no symbolism involved. For instance, last night I dreamt that all my teeth started falling out. Hideous experience. But I've been needing to go to a dentist for forever, so that's where that one came from. I also dreamt that I miraculously had a balance of $500 in my checking account. That one I hated waking up from. Eh. My dreams are acting like my mother - just reminders of things I need to do. My brain's stop denying and repressing and has started just kicking me in the ass. My brain's kicking me in the ass: what a mental picture that is. My brain's smart.


And, uhm, finally (this is going to be very meta; I'm so uncomfortable I'm actually squirming in my seat)...my journal. It's come to light that my journal is very depressing in tone? I think this is what you were trying to say, gorzo. So much so that one of his friends that read it, on mistaking one of my entries as one of his (gorzo's) own, thought he was suicidal. I just wanted to say that I'm not all "fuck the world, fuck it!" 24/7. I'm a sarcastic bastard at heart, and I don't only see the glass as half empty, I see it leaking and filled with arsenic-tainted water as well, but...I'm good people. God, I hate typing that, it seems like I'm pandering, but...okay, I am pandering. And now I'm back-tracking. What I meant to say when I started this ramble (if I could blush I'd be cooked-lobster red by now) was that I use this journal as an outlet for emotions that I can't let out anywhere else. Things that most people in my life are unwilling to take. And most of that is the depressing and bitchy stuff because, let's face it, it takes a special kind of person to want to listen to that from anyone. And I don't have nearly enough of those in my walking/talking life. This is my space on the 'Net, and here I refuse to edit myself: hence all the whining and bitchiness and general weirdness.

Yeah, I'm done.

One of those moments.

You know when you're watching an awesome show, and a line flies by that just makes you pause, scramble off your bed, frantically look for a writing utensil and something to write on (in this case a red colored pencil and a used index card), and note it for posterity? Well, while finishing up The Office this morning before work (making myself late and thus forcing my brother to drive me down there in the process), I ran across such a line:

It's better to be at the bottom of a ladder that you want to climb than at the middle of one you don't.

That one's so profound-sounding I'm hardly going to give Gervais the benefit of the doubt when it comes to authoring. Seems like he might have rephrased it from something more famous that I'm not going to waste the energy to search for now.