It's the little differences
Feb. 28th, 2004 05:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fredericksThe difference between people like my father and everyone else? His people like to rant until they're in a foaming rage about everything, even the most simple thing. He managed to wake me up at around 4:30 (AM!) with his yelling/complaining (what he deems "discussion") about how his container of food is missing. Basically what happened was that my aunt came by to pick up food (per usual; with the whole hospital visit thing she doesn't have time to cook), we saw a container of food in the fridge, we assumed ("we" being my brothers and I) that the food was for her, and we gave it to her along with some additional food we put together. The ins and outs of what happened isn't terribly relevant, the long and short of it being the taking of the food container was due to a series of misinterpretations and forgetfulness on both sides of the age divide.
The reason why I'm writing this at all? this situation is typical Dad. He chooses to complain about situations that are easily EASILY fixable. And he doesn't just gripe to himself or in his head like most other people; oh no, he has to yell at other people (those other people being the members of his household) because, of course, it's always solely our faults (can you FEEL the sarcasm oozing off the monitor?). I chose to get out of bed and address the situation directly because if dad was given all day to stew about it we'd (that being me and my brothers again) would never hear the end of it. I explained what had transpired and then asked if any of the food in his container wasn't in any of the pots in the fridge. He said no, and then I told him that the situation was easily fixable. Because it WAS. You take out some more food in another container, end of story (which I volunteered to do, for the record. He said no). I can understand how you can be upset when you don't know why it's missing, but after it's all been explained and the solution is made plain, shouldn't you just buck up and shut up?
But no, not in my house. He then went on about how the food was poorly put away in the fridge. That, also, could be fixed. I mean...it's like, the FUCK?? Things like our money situation? not immediately fixable. Things like a damn food container disappearing? immediately fuckin' fixable. Why waste energy on the small shit? Just calmly explain the situation to us and we'll make sure it won't happen again. But not my father. He'd much rather yell for no reason. He comes home from work, the first thing out of his mouth is bitching and complaining. No "good evening", no "hi, how was your day", nothing. And he wonders why we (bros and I) scatter when we hear him coming (or maybe he doesn't wonder, in which case...*sigh).
And mom...dear Lord...she wasn't helping the situation much either. She was complaining right along with him, although she seemed to see where I was coming from when I was saying it's easily remediable. She also mentioned the Samaritan spat that her and my brother had had earlier. She claims she started up on him because of his tone of voice while talking to her. I'm going to partially concede her that one; we're living in a West Indian household, where that sort of stuff is held particularly high. My brother has a tendency to forget that on the occasion and lose it with the folks. But that doesn't explain why she started her usual rant about how I "ruined it for all of [my brother]" and blah blah blah I'm a hideous, selfish daughter and it's all my fault we're assed out. I could tell by *her* tone that she still has a problem with the Samaritans thing, even though I told her crisis prevention will look very good on my resume, especially with the intensive training it entails (IF I even get accepted, didn't mention that little caveat). But she always waits to jump on me when dad's not around. Makes me so look forward to when we can spend some personal time together.
So now she's off to work, my father's getting ready for work, and I, who's supposed to be resting up for work, am instead letting off some steam on LJ. That stop at Starbucks was totally counterproductive. I picked up a large dark roast, thinking I'd stay up and take care of a few errands online, but instead of waking me up it left me sleepy and jittery. Too tired to do work but too awake to fall asleep. When I managed to catch some shut-eye, after tossing and turning for a good while, I had this weird dream where I got three totally random text messages while at work. Just hope I can get some more sleep. And that things improve. And that I don't go fucking MAD in this house.
Need to move out. Need money. Dammit.
The reason why I'm writing this at all? this situation is typical Dad. He chooses to complain about situations that are easily EASILY fixable. And he doesn't just gripe to himself or in his head like most other people; oh no, he has to yell at other people (those other people being the members of his household) because, of course, it's always solely our faults (can you FEEL the sarcasm oozing off the monitor?). I chose to get out of bed and address the situation directly because if dad was given all day to stew about it we'd (that being me and my brothers again) would never hear the end of it. I explained what had transpired and then asked if any of the food in his container wasn't in any of the pots in the fridge. He said no, and then I told him that the situation was easily fixable. Because it WAS. You take out some more food in another container, end of story (which I volunteered to do, for the record. He said no). I can understand how you can be upset when you don't know why it's missing, but after it's all been explained and the solution is made plain, shouldn't you just buck up and shut up?
But no, not in my house. He then went on about how the food was poorly put away in the fridge. That, also, could be fixed. I mean...it's like, the FUCK?? Things like our money situation? not immediately fixable. Things like a damn food container disappearing? immediately fuckin' fixable. Why waste energy on the small shit? Just calmly explain the situation to us and we'll make sure it won't happen again. But not my father. He'd much rather yell for no reason. He comes home from work, the first thing out of his mouth is bitching and complaining. No "good evening", no "hi, how was your day", nothing. And he wonders why we (bros and I) scatter when we hear him coming (or maybe he doesn't wonder, in which case...*sigh).
And mom...dear Lord...she wasn't helping the situation much either. She was complaining right along with him, although she seemed to see where I was coming from when I was saying it's easily remediable. She also mentioned the Samaritan spat that her and my brother had had earlier. She claims she started up on him because of his tone of voice while talking to her. I'm going to partially concede her that one; we're living in a West Indian household, where that sort of stuff is held particularly high. My brother has a tendency to forget that on the occasion and lose it with the folks. But that doesn't explain why she started her usual rant about how I "ruined it for all of [my brother]" and blah blah blah I'm a hideous, selfish daughter and it's all my fault we're assed out. I could tell by *her* tone that she still has a problem with the Samaritans thing, even though I told her crisis prevention will look very good on my resume, especially with the intensive training it entails (IF I even get accepted, didn't mention that little caveat). But she always waits to jump on me when dad's not around. Makes me so look forward to when we can spend some personal time together.
So now she's off to work, my father's getting ready for work, and I, who's supposed to be resting up for work, am instead letting off some steam on LJ. That stop at Starbucks was totally counterproductive. I picked up a large dark roast, thinking I'd stay up and take care of a few errands online, but instead of waking me up it left me sleepy and jittery. Too tired to do work but too awake to fall asleep. When I managed to catch some shut-eye, after tossing and turning for a good while, I had this weird dream where I got three totally random text messages while at work. Just hope I can get some more sleep. And that things improve. And that I don't go fucking MAD in this house.
Need to move out. Need money. Dammit.
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Totally non-sequitur
Date: 2004-02-28 08:56 pm (UTC)Sounds to me like you need a parental transplant -- or your own apartment. And a winning lottery ticket.
On a side-note: your father probably bitches extensively about the small stuff because it is non-consequential. Bitching about the consequential is very depressing... he can vent some of the steam from consequential issues on the non-consequential ones and come out ahead.
Of course, it doesn't make it any easier for you.
I think you are a wonderful person, and I hope that you get the Samaritans thing. And don't take your parents too seriously... In a decade, you'll have other worries (trust me).