Latenight Rant
Mar. 30th, 2003 01:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fredericksWhy is it easier to believe one is alone when one is surrounded by people that are not? I've gradually gone from having no RL friends and a bevy of virtual friends to having one RL friend and a few virtual acquaintances (people who I feel somewhat uncomfortable opening up to). I've never really admitted to them my emotions, I suppose because I often can't read how I'm feeling. For some reason everyone I associate with seems to have a ton of friends whom they bring up occasionally. I can't do the same and it really cuts me deep. Not because I don't have friends, but that other can *see* I don't have friends. Pride and shame are a recurring theme in my life. It's somewhat pathetic.
One person who I did share a lot of my feelings with (let's call him friend A for simplicity and anonymity's sake) has apparently "moved on". I guess his life is thriving, so he has less time for a pathetic individual he's only conversed with via IM boxes. Admitting that, even on a weblog that will most likely never be noticed, hurts. It hurts a lot. Seven years of relations that started dying a slow death roughly 3 years ago. Oh yes, I wasn't oblivious to the fact that our friendship was dying. How did I put it? "Friendships must adapt over time". That's 4 years of psych and $130,000 worth of knowledge right there. Our friendship didn't adapt, probably because of my low self-esteem. I can't help that I hate myself, but it makes it hard for a friendship to survive when one person suffers from severe depression, the other is a mopey individual constantly in denial, and the only way they communicate is via 2 modems and a shitload of routers.
*le sigh* I'm wasting time here when I should be preparing for sleep. Let's paraphrase this entry - my life sucks. Fin.
One person who I did share a lot of my feelings with (let's call him friend A for simplicity and anonymity's sake) has apparently "moved on". I guess his life is thriving, so he has less time for a pathetic individual he's only conversed with via IM boxes. Admitting that, even on a weblog that will most likely never be noticed, hurts. It hurts a lot. Seven years of relations that started dying a slow death roughly 3 years ago. Oh yes, I wasn't oblivious to the fact that our friendship was dying. How did I put it? "Friendships must adapt over time". That's 4 years of psych and $130,000 worth of knowledge right there. Our friendship didn't adapt, probably because of my low self-esteem. I can't help that I hate myself, but it makes it hard for a friendship to survive when one person suffers from severe depression, the other is a mopey individual constantly in denial, and the only way they communicate is via 2 modems and a shitload of routers.
*le sigh* I'm wasting time here when I should be preparing for sleep. Let's paraphrase this entry - my life sucks. Fin.
