3 S's - SARS, Sunlight, Spring.
Apr. 28th, 2003 03:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fredericksWow. I feel rather good right now. It's surprising, especially considering how utterly craptacular I felt yesterday. It's only 3PM at the moment and I'd bet money on me taking an emotional backslide sometime this evening so I suppose I should write something down.
Woke up around 9, before the alarm went off. Did nothing of note besides attempt to work magic on my mop of hair and half-heartedly glance at the Accounting text (preferred and common stock...thrilling stuff, really). Of course I missed the last CS review before the final. I didn't realize we had one until I checked the website at 11:30. By then it was pointless, seeing as I was still in my sleeping clothes. I chalked it up as a lost cause and got ready for work.
Ah, the Ratty Kitchen when its 70 degrees outside. Can you say "hell"? But I'm ahead of myself. The walk to the kitchen was torture, and mainly because it was so beautiful outside. Not because I knew I'd be stuck inside the sweltering prep area for 3 hours but because I just didn't want to be out at all. I'd much rather for it to be raining outside (pouring, even) than as lovely and sunny as it is today. Call me weird. Methinks its just because its easier to wallow in self-pity when one's environment mirrors one's thoughts/mindset.
Anyway so I'm hustling to the kitchen with my Accounting book and highlighter in one hand, tardy as usual (I'm such a horrible supervisor) and I'm confronted by Alexis when I get there. I saw by her face that she wasn't feeling too hot so before she opens her mouth I motion "get out of here". She tells me she's been ill all day and I second her notion to go to Health Services. Meanwhile Aaron (the Ratty's resident court jester) is making faces and bugging her to no end. When I touched her on the shoulder and told her "No worries, go home, feel better" I thought Aaron would have had a coronary. It's only after Alexis leaves that Aaron says "Hey, you better hope she doesn't have SARS", leading me to assume he was freaking out more about me touching Alexis than me telling her to go home. Prior to Friday if Aaron had said the SARS thing I would have smirked and rustled up a snappy retort but...of course we do have a teacher on campus that may have SARS. A Bio teacher. And I know Alexis is in more than a few Bio classes. Still, I didn't give it much thought until break.
Aaron is an interesting character. A typical frat guy and jock type with a mouth that runs away with him. But I always can get a laugh with him and when he's not being an immature jack-off his intelligence shines though. Our interactions usually run from fun conversation to me becoming exasperated when he does something like say "your momma" repeatedly or mimics everything I say (which is more annoying that I let on because I hate the way I sound and talk). Of course he knows this and so he doesn't let up. It's like dealing with a younger sibling, and fortunately none of my brothers were ever like that.
So yes, SARS. I didn't start thinking about the SARS thing until Aaron and I were procrastinating during break. It'd be weird if the prof. did have SARS but not weird in a terrifying "we're going to die" way, more weird in a "cool, a horrible virus!" sort of way. I'd think that I'd hear something, at least, if she had it. No way testing would take more than 5 days to confirm or deny. And I'm thinking Alexis was sick just because it was gorgeous outside. I don't blame her.
So, right. We finish work (blah blah, tomatoes, blah grilled cheese, blah blah clean up) and I'm heading back to my room when I see Professor Goodwillie, the guy who taught me Math 9 what seemed like ages ago (back when I was a lot less jaded and had a lot more friends...think those two are negatively correlated?). I'd thought about him lately because he was one of the kindest teachers I'd ever know. A friend I had at the time would mock him a lot and I'd join along because that was the sort of person that I was. Goodwillie was disjointed, yes, and a little disorganized during lecture, and he looked odd with his full scraggly brown-grey beard and long limbs but you could tell he was a friendly person who whole-heartedly wanted his pupils to learn. I had serious trouble with the concepts and I would go to him during office hours and he sat and tried really really hard to help me understand. I mean, this man wouldn't give up on me. I remember taking the final and feeling so frustrated and upset when I left that classroom, knowing I'd failed. But then, miracle of miracles, a few days later I got an e-mail in my box saying "Congratulations, you got a 130/200 on the final. You passed. Great job. - Professor Goodwillie". I'll never forget that, and that may be the one shining positive moment I take from my time at Brown. That some guy would care so much about me to not let me give up and to send me a kind word afterwards...wow. It was amazing.
So I saw him for the first time in years as I was walking to my room and that incident passed through my mind again. I walked past him (as he was talking to two colleagues), turned the corner...and stopped. Something told me to go back and thank him personally for all he'd done for me. Maybe it was the sunlight taking hold, maybe it was because I thought he might need something to brighten his day, I don't know. I turned, took two steps back...then shook my head and turned back towards my room. Before I took another step I hesitated. "Would it hurt to let him know how I felt?" I thought, "besides, I don't think I thanked him back then". So I turned around and hustled back to where I'd seen him, hoping he was still there. He was, with the two guys, so I sort of walked up to him to get his attention, introduced myself as a former student (he actually said he remembered me) and spilled my guts about how what he did for me affected me and how grateful I was. And his reaction was great. He said he was teaching Calc again for the first time in a long time and he was feeling sort of demoralized since it was the end of the year and he was really happy to hear what I said. He then asked what I was doing and what I was going to do. By then I was embarrassed and so I sort of quickly answered his inquiries then beat a hasty retreat.
But yeah, that's why I felt good. Maybe something told me he was having a rough go at it and some kind words would lend him encouragement. I don't know. Perhaps there's something to my whole "Guardian Angel" theory...but that's for another post. I should stop before I get depressed again. Off to work I go.
Woke up around 9, before the alarm went off. Did nothing of note besides attempt to work magic on my mop of hair and half-heartedly glance at the Accounting text (preferred and common stock...thrilling stuff, really). Of course I missed the last CS review before the final. I didn't realize we had one until I checked the website at 11:30. By then it was pointless, seeing as I was still in my sleeping clothes. I chalked it up as a lost cause and got ready for work.
Ah, the Ratty Kitchen when its 70 degrees outside. Can you say "hell"? But I'm ahead of myself. The walk to the kitchen was torture, and mainly because it was so beautiful outside. Not because I knew I'd be stuck inside the sweltering prep area for 3 hours but because I just didn't want to be out at all. I'd much rather for it to be raining outside (pouring, even) than as lovely and sunny as it is today. Call me weird. Methinks its just because its easier to wallow in self-pity when one's environment mirrors one's thoughts/mindset.
Anyway so I'm hustling to the kitchen with my Accounting book and highlighter in one hand, tardy as usual (I'm such a horrible supervisor) and I'm confronted by Alexis when I get there. I saw by her face that she wasn't feeling too hot so before she opens her mouth I motion "get out of here". She tells me she's been ill all day and I second her notion to go to Health Services. Meanwhile Aaron (the Ratty's resident court jester) is making faces and bugging her to no end. When I touched her on the shoulder and told her "No worries, go home, feel better" I thought Aaron would have had a coronary. It's only after Alexis leaves that Aaron says "Hey, you better hope she doesn't have SARS", leading me to assume he was freaking out more about me touching Alexis than me telling her to go home. Prior to Friday if Aaron had said the SARS thing I would have smirked and rustled up a snappy retort but...of course we do have a teacher on campus that may have SARS. A Bio teacher. And I know Alexis is in more than a few Bio classes. Still, I didn't give it much thought until break.
Aaron is an interesting character. A typical frat guy and jock type with a mouth that runs away with him. But I always can get a laugh with him and when he's not being an immature jack-off his intelligence shines though. Our interactions usually run from fun conversation to me becoming exasperated when he does something like say "your momma" repeatedly or mimics everything I say (which is more annoying that I let on because I hate the way I sound and talk). Of course he knows this and so he doesn't let up. It's like dealing with a younger sibling, and fortunately none of my brothers were ever like that.
So yes, SARS. I didn't start thinking about the SARS thing until Aaron and I were procrastinating during break. It'd be weird if the prof. did have SARS but not weird in a terrifying "we're going to die" way, more weird in a "cool, a horrible virus!" sort of way. I'd think that I'd hear something, at least, if she had it. No way testing would take more than 5 days to confirm or deny. And I'm thinking Alexis was sick just because it was gorgeous outside. I don't blame her.
So, right. We finish work (blah blah, tomatoes, blah grilled cheese, blah blah clean up) and I'm heading back to my room when I see Professor Goodwillie, the guy who taught me Math 9 what seemed like ages ago (back when I was a lot less jaded and had a lot more friends...think those two are negatively correlated?). I'd thought about him lately because he was one of the kindest teachers I'd ever know. A friend I had at the time would mock him a lot and I'd join along because that was the sort of person that I was. Goodwillie was disjointed, yes, and a little disorganized during lecture, and he looked odd with his full scraggly brown-grey beard and long limbs but you could tell he was a friendly person who whole-heartedly wanted his pupils to learn. I had serious trouble with the concepts and I would go to him during office hours and he sat and tried really really hard to help me understand. I mean, this man wouldn't give up on me. I remember taking the final and feeling so frustrated and upset when I left that classroom, knowing I'd failed. But then, miracle of miracles, a few days later I got an e-mail in my box saying "Congratulations, you got a 130/200 on the final. You passed. Great job. - Professor Goodwillie". I'll never forget that, and that may be the one shining positive moment I take from my time at Brown. That some guy would care so much about me to not let me give up and to send me a kind word afterwards...wow. It was amazing.
So I saw him for the first time in years as I was walking to my room and that incident passed through my mind again. I walked past him (as he was talking to two colleagues), turned the corner...and stopped. Something told me to go back and thank him personally for all he'd done for me. Maybe it was the sunlight taking hold, maybe it was because I thought he might need something to brighten his day, I don't know. I turned, took two steps back...then shook my head and turned back towards my room. Before I took another step I hesitated. "Would it hurt to let him know how I felt?" I thought, "besides, I don't think I thanked him back then". So I turned around and hustled back to where I'd seen him, hoping he was still there. He was, with the two guys, so I sort of walked up to him to get his attention, introduced myself as a former student (he actually said he remembered me) and spilled my guts about how what he did for me affected me and how grateful I was. And his reaction was great. He said he was teaching Calc again for the first time in a long time and he was feeling sort of demoralized since it was the end of the year and he was really happy to hear what I said. He then asked what I was doing and what I was going to do. By then I was embarrassed and so I sort of quickly answered his inquiries then beat a hasty retreat.
But yeah, that's why I felt good. Maybe something told me he was having a rough go at it and some kind words would lend him encouragement. I don't know. Perhaps there's something to my whole "Guardian Angel" theory...but that's for another post. I should stop before I get depressed again. Off to work I go.
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no subject
Date: 2003-04-28 01:16 pm (UTC)I felt the same way today. Hear hear.
(no subject)
From:Re:
From:no subject
Date: 2003-04-28 06:04 pm (UTC)1)I really, REALLY want to see you get past this depression you're in. I wish I could help. You've been in it for far too long. You deserve some sunlight.
2) Aaron is a doofus.
3) I've had teachers like that. I'm glad you thanked him. Isn't it great when you find a little gold nugget of positivity in the septic tank of your memories? It's like finding humor in a metaphor gone terribly, horribly wrong.