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fredericksNo one in my house says "I am sorry". No one. It's as if the words have been construed as confession of guilt and concession of one's stand, instead of a way to be contrite; and no one in my house ever wants to admit they might be wrong.
Case in fracking point - this morning's events.
My father let me borrow his unlimited monthly Metrocard (est. value - $80) so I could attend church Sunday. I used it and then dropped it back in either my wallet or my purse - since I was wearing a skirt I had no pockets to place it in (or try to place it in and then have it fall out of). Mother asked me to borrow said Metrocard yesterday, since she was heading out. Out of habit I reached into my wallet and gave her the first card I saw there. On her return she informed me the card I gave her wasn't dad's monthly. I said "fine", and last night gave dad another Metrocard from my purse, which I believed to be the monthly.
Nope.
Fast-forward to this morning, when I'm awoken by the sound of the phone ringing. I picked it up and it was dad, soundly highly disgruntled (then again, what's new?). Since he could never simply come out and say what's on his mind in a reasonable amount of time he went on and on about how I gave him the wrong card and what transpired when he tried to get on the bus this morning, blah blah. I'm tired, worn out (still), and disgruntled myself because, honestly, where the fuck could the card go off to?? He rattled off the serial number of the card and I told him I'd check around to see if I could find it. Ten minutes of searching came up with nothing besides a number of expired cards in my wallet. So, fine, I figure out how to solve the problem - I'd report his card lost, purchase him a weekly card as a replacement, and then hope his replacement card showed up before they returned from their planned Florida trip next week. I called him back in order to tell him my plan and to say sorry, because I was. Tried calling him and he didn't pick up; he returned the call a few minutes later. After saying sorry and explaining what I was going to do, I got more ranting and raving over the phone. All the time I'm thinking to myself "He can't treat me like an adult, can he?" It's bullshit to think that an adult wouldn't lose anything (and I still had my doubts that I lost the card), and it's bullshit to think that I have no "concept of money", as the parental units love to say. Blah blah, rant, he hung up after a little while.
Mom returned from the park a little while later and, who was on the phone with *her*? My father, also ranting about the monthly being missing. This is what kills me and honestly makes me damned close to hating my father - he treats my mother like a child. He treats her the same way he treats us, and it makes me want to just...grr. So, fine. He gets off the phone with her after a couple of minutes and mom asks me about (the conflict in the Middle East? gas prices? the effects of global warming on local temperatures?) the missing card. I tell mom I guess I lost it, because it's not in my purse, the *only* place it could have been. I also inform her that I told my father I was sorry and explained to him how I'd go about trying to replace the card. That, of course, was her cue to start ranting about how we kids have no concept of money (a recurring theme), how we're irresponsible, and (the mind-boggling part) how "fine, you're sorry, but sometimes a person is tired of hearing 'sorry'". I would have laughed out loud if I didn't think it would have been counterproductive. You see, as I said in the beginning, NO ONE IN MY HOUSE SAYS SORRY. NO ONE. Well, beside myself of course, and it's a new occurrence for me.
Out of curiosity I asked her "Well, what am I supposed to say?" She said something along the lines of I should be more responsible and not lose things. Point taken, but this is coming from the woman who loses and/or misplaces this as frequently if not more so than I do. I didn't point that out to her.
My brother made his way down the stairs while me and my mother were "discussing with raised voice" and he was stayed quiet until mom went on to say that she shouldn't be fielding calls and/or be subjected to my father's shouting when one of us do something that displeases the man. At that point he said "Yes, that's right, you shouldn't have to listen to dad's shouting, but you should be telling that to HIM not to us." A nice bit of logic there I couldn't find because I was too busy being pissed. We quieted down momentarily and then mom shared a little tidbit about what happened when she tried to use the card I'd given her yesterday (the card I believed to be father's monthly, recall) that led us to believe the card she had was in fact dad's card. My brother and I decided to drive over to the subway and check the card on the machine there to verify. I asked her for the card and she told me that it was in the purse in her car. I went to the car to retrieve the purse, only to find she went upstairs (to her jeans pocket perhaps) to get it instead. This from the woman who- you know what? I'm not even going to go there.
Okay, the absolute kicker - she places the card down on the table and says "this is the card". That's it. Naturally I assume she means "this is the card that you gave me that you need to check". I pick up the card and head to the car. When I turned the card around and looked at the back, lo and behold, it was my father's Metrocard. She actually saw me take it and leave with the intention of trekking to the subway and said nothing. I came back in, pissed some more, to have her tell me that "this is the card" mean "this is THE card". Sigh. I putted around the kitchen, stewing in my juices, wanting oh so badly to tell her that this was a time made for sorry, but I held my tongue and went upstairs.
*
Funny - while I was working on that last paragraph she called me downstairs to ask me to keep an eye on a pot for her...and to apologize. Her precise words "I apologize for that". And she sounded so awkward and stilted while saying it. Old dog, new tricks, things of that nature.
Case in fracking point - this morning's events.
My father let me borrow his unlimited monthly Metrocard (est. value - $80) so I could attend church Sunday. I used it and then dropped it back in either my wallet or my purse - since I was wearing a skirt I had no pockets to place it in (or try to place it in and then have it fall out of). Mother asked me to borrow said Metrocard yesterday, since she was heading out. Out of habit I reached into my wallet and gave her the first card I saw there. On her return she informed me the card I gave her wasn't dad's monthly. I said "fine", and last night gave dad another Metrocard from my purse, which I believed to be the monthly.
Nope.
Fast-forward to this morning, when I'm awoken by the sound of the phone ringing. I picked it up and it was dad, soundly highly disgruntled (then again, what's new?). Since he could never simply come out and say what's on his mind in a reasonable amount of time he went on and on about how I gave him the wrong card and what transpired when he tried to get on the bus this morning, blah blah. I'm tired, worn out (still), and disgruntled myself because, honestly, where the fuck could the card go off to?? He rattled off the serial number of the card and I told him I'd check around to see if I could find it. Ten minutes of searching came up with nothing besides a number of expired cards in my wallet. So, fine, I figure out how to solve the problem - I'd report his card lost, purchase him a weekly card as a replacement, and then hope his replacement card showed up before they returned from their planned Florida trip next week. I called him back in order to tell him my plan and to say sorry, because I was. Tried calling him and he didn't pick up; he returned the call a few minutes later. After saying sorry and explaining what I was going to do, I got more ranting and raving over the phone. All the time I'm thinking to myself "He can't treat me like an adult, can he?" It's bullshit to think that an adult wouldn't lose anything (and I still had my doubts that I lost the card), and it's bullshit to think that I have no "concept of money", as the parental units love to say. Blah blah, rant, he hung up after a little while.
Mom returned from the park a little while later and, who was on the phone with *her*? My father, also ranting about the monthly being missing. This is what kills me and honestly makes me damned close to hating my father - he treats my mother like a child. He treats her the same way he treats us, and it makes me want to just...grr. So, fine. He gets off the phone with her after a couple of minutes and mom asks me about (the conflict in the Middle East? gas prices? the effects of global warming on local temperatures?) the missing card. I tell mom I guess I lost it, because it's not in my purse, the *only* place it could have been. I also inform her that I told my father I was sorry and explained to him how I'd go about trying to replace the card. That, of course, was her cue to start ranting about how we kids have no concept of money (a recurring theme), how we're irresponsible, and (the mind-boggling part) how "fine, you're sorry, but sometimes a person is tired of hearing 'sorry'". I would have laughed out loud if I didn't think it would have been counterproductive. You see, as I said in the beginning, NO ONE IN MY HOUSE SAYS SORRY. NO ONE. Well, beside myself of course, and it's a new occurrence for me.
Out of curiosity I asked her "Well, what am I supposed to say?" She said something along the lines of I should be more responsible and not lose things. Point taken, but this is coming from the woman who loses and/or misplaces this as frequently if not more so than I do. I didn't point that out to her.
My brother made his way down the stairs while me and my mother were "discussing with raised voice" and he was stayed quiet until mom went on to say that she shouldn't be fielding calls and/or be subjected to my father's shouting when one of us do something that displeases the man. At that point he said "Yes, that's right, you shouldn't have to listen to dad's shouting, but you should be telling that to HIM not to us." A nice bit of logic there I couldn't find because I was too busy being pissed. We quieted down momentarily and then mom shared a little tidbit about what happened when she tried to use the card I'd given her yesterday (the card I believed to be father's monthly, recall) that led us to believe the card she had was in fact dad's card. My brother and I decided to drive over to the subway and check the card on the machine there to verify. I asked her for the card and she told me that it was in the purse in her car. I went to the car to retrieve the purse, only to find she went upstairs (to her jeans pocket perhaps) to get it instead. This from the woman who- you know what? I'm not even going to go there.
Okay, the absolute kicker - she places the card down on the table and says "this is the card". That's it. Naturally I assume she means "this is the card that you gave me that you need to check". I pick up the card and head to the car. When I turned the card around and looked at the back, lo and behold, it was my father's Metrocard. She actually saw me take it and leave with the intention of trekking to the subway and said nothing. I came back in, pissed some more, to have her tell me that "this is the card" mean "this is THE card". Sigh. I putted around the kitchen, stewing in my juices, wanting oh so badly to tell her that this was a time made for sorry, but I held my tongue and went upstairs.
*
Funny - while I was working on that last paragraph she called me downstairs to ask me to keep an eye on a pot for her...and to apologize. Her precise words "I apologize for that". And she sounded so awkward and stilted while saying it. Old dog, new tricks, things of that nature.
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-16 05:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-17 03:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-17 03:16 am (UTC)Unless you're, like, really country.
Okay, I'm going to stop before I give myself nightmares.
A sincere "sorry" is one of the best gifts you can give someone, I agree wholeheartedly.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-16 07:46 pm (UTC)It sounds like what happened is that she realized that it was her fault all along and the prospect of admiting to your father it was her fault (and the ensuing shouting) is not very appealing.
At least you have the satisfaction of know that everyone else was wrong and you were right. lol
no subject
Date: 2005-08-17 03:18 am (UTC)Precisely. It was a touch funny, yes.
Heh. I was so right. That's relative, of course, but she did manage to try to say "sorry", which is way more than I expect. I get the feeling you know what I'm talking about, since our folks seem similar.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-17 05:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-18 01:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-18 06:04 am (UTC)