Graduation Dilemma
May. 20th, 2003 12:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fredericksSo I'm done...but I'm not done.
Since I was basically a helpless mass of flesh during the course of the semester I didn't complete my senior project required for the Bachelor of Science degree. That means I don't qualify for the Sc.B. in time for Monday's graduation. I have enough credits for my diploma though and I've filled the requirements (and then some) for the Bachelor of Arts degree. But if I decide that I want the Bachelor of Science then I basically don't graduate. I've already arranged it with the professor/advisor of my individual study course to finish up the work during the summer (that man is such a godsend), and I spoke to my concentration advisor about my options. I feel like, what the hell, I've done the work I might as well have it be acknowledged by an Sc.B. degree. My advisor feels the same way.
Someone from the Registrar's office called and woke me up (at 8PM - I was sleeping at 8PM...heh), breaking everything down for me and telling me my options. My thoughts were all over the place. I wasn't upset about my predicament (to be honest I sort of saw it coming) nor was I upset by the fact that even though I was going to be allowed to participate in the graduation ceremony my name wouldn't be on any of the paraphernalia and I wouldn't get my diploma. I was worried and upset at what my mom would think. Just my mom and no one else. She's the sort of person that likes hallmarks like that- a name on a program, class rings, class photos - things that I myself can do without.
I called home around 10:45, knowing (subconsciously and consciously) mom leaves for work around that time. I ended up speaking to dad and after a while just breaking down. I had a good cry for the first time in...oh, maybe 2-3 years. I told him I'd had a rough time this semester and I'd been visiting Psych Services and about the graduation thing. And about my sublet. He (predictably) asked me why (why what? why everything I suppose) and I couldn't give him a good answer. Isn't it annoying when people ask "why X?" if you yourself don't know why? If I knew why I was so stressed and depressed and "mass of flesh"-like I wouldn't need to go to Psych Services, now would I? And even if I could enunciate "why" I know my folks wouldn't understand.
Anyway, I told him everything and he (somewhat surprisingly) was understanding. So was my brother. But, of course, I haven't spoken to my mom yet. Will she want to come up to the graduation knowing that I'm not going to receive a diploma and I'm not going to be on any programs? What about my aunts that are planning to come up? They called me this morning and I know at least Zola has already reserved a hotel room.
Man. It's always fucking obligations that weigh me down. I could give two shits at this point. I want to march in the ceremony. I wouldn't mind if the folks came. I want them to come. It'll be a fun weekend. I don't care that my name won't be listed on any programs (although my advisor is making sure that I get called in the departmental distribution of degrees, bless her heart). But MOM. What the hell is she going to say. *sigh* I tried calling the house this morning and got no answer. Either she was working overtime or was shopping. I feel like I should visit the liquor store and get nice and buzzed before I call her back again. I know Auntie Antionette will understand, at least. She was supposed to graduate this year as well, but didn't have enough credits. Well, I *hope* she'll understand. I don't know.
Since I was basically a helpless mass of flesh during the course of the semester I didn't complete my senior project required for the Bachelor of Science degree. That means I don't qualify for the Sc.B. in time for Monday's graduation. I have enough credits for my diploma though and I've filled the requirements (and then some) for the Bachelor of Arts degree. But if I decide that I want the Bachelor of Science then I basically don't graduate. I've already arranged it with the professor/advisor of my individual study course to finish up the work during the summer (that man is such a godsend), and I spoke to my concentration advisor about my options. I feel like, what the hell, I've done the work I might as well have it be acknowledged by an Sc.B. degree. My advisor feels the same way.
Someone from the Registrar's office called and woke me up (at 8PM - I was sleeping at 8PM...heh), breaking everything down for me and telling me my options. My thoughts were all over the place. I wasn't upset about my predicament (to be honest I sort of saw it coming) nor was I upset by the fact that even though I was going to be allowed to participate in the graduation ceremony my name wouldn't be on any of the paraphernalia and I wouldn't get my diploma. I was worried and upset at what my mom would think. Just my mom and no one else. She's the sort of person that likes hallmarks like that- a name on a program, class rings, class photos - things that I myself can do without.
I called home around 10:45, knowing (subconsciously and consciously) mom leaves for work around that time. I ended up speaking to dad and after a while just breaking down. I had a good cry for the first time in...oh, maybe 2-3 years. I told him I'd had a rough time this semester and I'd been visiting Psych Services and about the graduation thing. And about my sublet. He (predictably) asked me why (why what? why everything I suppose) and I couldn't give him a good answer. Isn't it annoying when people ask "why X?" if you yourself don't know why? If I knew why I was so stressed and depressed and "mass of flesh"-like I wouldn't need to go to Psych Services, now would I? And even if I could enunciate "why" I know my folks wouldn't understand.
Anyway, I told him everything and he (somewhat surprisingly) was understanding. So was my brother. But, of course, I haven't spoken to my mom yet. Will she want to come up to the graduation knowing that I'm not going to receive a diploma and I'm not going to be on any programs? What about my aunts that are planning to come up? They called me this morning and I know at least Zola has already reserved a hotel room.
Man. It's always fucking obligations that weigh me down. I could give two shits at this point. I want to march in the ceremony. I wouldn't mind if the folks came. I want them to come. It'll be a fun weekend. I don't care that my name won't be listed on any programs (although my advisor is making sure that I get called in the departmental distribution of degrees, bless her heart). But MOM. What the hell is she going to say. *sigh* I tried calling the house this morning and got no answer. Either she was working overtime or was shopping. I feel like I should visit the liquor store and get nice and buzzed before I call her back again. I know Auntie Antionette will understand, at least. She was supposed to graduate this year as well, but didn't have enough credits. Well, I *hope* she'll understand. I don't know.
