It's amazing

[fredericks]

Sometimes I look around and I see reminders of how I was when I was younger, and I say to myself "hells, I wouldn't hang around with me either!" It's funny, because I'm still quite young. Quarter of a century. Yet I don't feel quite as old now as I did three or four years ago. I'm less "goth" and more realistic. More open, I guess. I embrace my immaturity, as opposed to back then when I'd put on airs and pretend to be older than I was. Eons older, in fact. I used to do with corny British dialogue during online chat that was absolutely cringeworthy. I wish I had some of my chat transcriptions because...Lawd. Never did much talking when I wasn't in a box. I see people around my age online saying they're "sarcastic" and "blunt" and I think to myself "there but for the grace of God...".

I wish I was able to time travel back and kick my younger self in the ass. Because I needed it back then. And sometimes now too. I'd ask for volunteers, but no.

Comments

[fredericks.livejournal.com]

Ha. I never used to rock the Hot Topic look (my parents are too traditional and would have killed me if I dared walk of the house in black lipstick and those awful elevated shoes and torn fishnet stockings the girls used to wear) but I always dressed in dark clothing and listened to the angsty bands. I was goth in spirit, dammit. :)

What I was sleepily getting at was that my perception of what was going on around me was really warped when I was younger. Everything was "they're assholes" or "nobody loves meeeee! emo emo" and looking back on it now I realize how ridiculous it all was. I'm still appalling self-centered at the moment but, surprisingly enough, I'm *much better* than I used to be. I figure in another 5 years ago if God lets me walk this green earth I might actually be fit for human interaction.

A thought - even the goth kids who complained about being rejected and alone had each other. What were they complaining about? I think they just really got off on wearing Rainbow Brite baby tees underneath their black fishnet shirts.

[twoworldsin1.livejournal.com]

Everything was "they're assholes" or "nobody loves meeeee! emo emo" and looking back on it now I realize how ridiculous it all was. I'm still appalling self-centered at the moment but, surprisingly enough, I'm *much better* than I used to be.

I'm still getting over that phase. Hopefully when I'm at a point when I'm actually put in charge of small human beings (i.e. teaching) I'll have gotten over all that.